


"Unanimiter et constanter" or "United and Constant"

by Midlifecrisis



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-10-29 07:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20792657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midlifecrisis/pseuds/Midlifecrisis
Summary: Isak is 45 and apparently has to work out what he wants with his life. The problem is - he has no idea!





	1. Frogner Park

Isak sighed and carefully signed his name, concentrating with an intensity that was not needed in order to write the name that had been his for 45 years. He pushed the paperwork back across the desk, keeping his head bent and feeling the weight of the occasion. He surreptitiously looked at the three other people in the room: Emma sat quietly with her hands on her lap, her signature already given. The mediator carefully gathered and passed their papers to the notary who signed, dated and stamped them. 

The mediator then stood up - a statuesque, handsome women - and politely shook hands with both Isak and Emma. 

“I wish you both well for your future. Divorce is never easy, but I want to thank you for your maturity and willingness to compromise on what I know is always a difficult experience.” She nodded to them both and exited the room, followed by the notary. 

Isak turned and looked at Emma, she smiled weakly at him, making uncomfortable eye contact. He returned the smile awkwardly, his eyes flicking away after only a fraction of a second. He couldn’t look at her. It felt like he was staring into his own failure. He shrugged and she nodded with a small head bob. Isak had no idea of what to say. The silence stretched. 

“See you around, Isak.” She said quietly and before he noticed it, she was gone. 

He breathed out a lungful of stale air that he hadn't realised that he was holding in. His legs suddenly felt too weak to hold his weight, so he let himself fall clumsily back into his chair and stared at the edge of the desk. There was a crack in the birch veneer, and he noticed the cheap chipboard showing through underneath. How appropriate, and he snorted out loud. 

He waited five more minutes to make sure that he wouldn’t meet Emma in the lift, then left. 

The day was bright and sunny for a February morning, Isak hoped this was a good omen. He thought that he should make the most of it and stay outside, perhaps take a walk. The lawyer's office was in the leafy suburb near Frogner park, and he loved that crazy place, so he decided to walk through it, just to give himself a bit of time. He pulled on his hat, gloves and wrapped his old scarf round his neck. He quickly walked past the famous angry baby (not his favorite) and headed for the bodies grouped together round the central monolith. The intensity of their naked humanity never failed to move him. The carving of a parent with their children climbing all over them suddenly stopped him in his tracks. He felt the familiar bubbling in his stomach when he thought about his own children. He pulled out his phone and sent a joint message to both Sofie and Jakob, both living in student accommodation in their second year at UiO. 

_ ‘Hi guys. How are you doing? Working hard? I hope _ _ your classes _ _ are going ok. Mama and I signed the final papers this morning. How do you fancy meeting _ _ me _ _ for lunch tomorrow, I'd like to see you both? Usual place? 13:00?’ _

He felt a lump rise in his throat. Had he failed them? Had he and Emma failed them as parents, as a family? Their marriage had crumbled to dust within months of them leaving home. Isak sat down on the cold steps, his mind easily clouding and becoming darker. 

He could still feel the tension in the room the first week that he and Emma had been alone without them. Sofie and Jakob had moved into halls on the Saturday and he had assumed that the feeling of freedom would be exciting. But all they had done was talk about their children; what they would be doing now and stories of past adventures. They had even ended up with the baby box out, looking at tiny sleepsuits and polaroid photos of two very wrinkled premature babies side by side in their incubators. And once those conversations had all been raked over, then there was silence. They had nothing else to talk about; Two people moving in the same space but having nothing else in common. They went to work separately. Emma went to her book club on Mondays with her friends and Isak went to the gym with Jonas on a Wednesday and Friday. They watched TV and movies separately on their own laptops, in the same room but earphones in. Sure, they ate at the same table and slept in the same bed, but they shared nothing, not really. 

Isak had been hoping that the physical side of their relationship would start up again, but when Emma made no move, he realised that he wasn’t disappointed, and when he probed the emotion, he was ashamed to discover that what he found was relief. 

Emma had been the brave one to bring up their situation, and by the October break, Isak was in a bachelor flat and their separation was formal. 

Isak noticed that he was starting to feel chilled, the cold in the smooth steps beginning to take over the heat in his extremities. He wondered if he stayed there long enough if he would turn into stone and become another one of the statues. Perhaps he would become a favourite like ‘angry baby', or like ‘woman embracing giant lizard’ or even ‘naked man fighting flying babies’. What would they call him? ‘Middle aged loser’ probably. He laughed at his own self-pity and stood up quickly, brushing off the cold. He walked with purpose to the heat of the nearest coffee shop, at the park gates, and ordered the largest chamomile tea available; he didn’t need any caffeine messing up his system which was already too full of adrenaline and emotion. He removed all his outside clothes and sat down at a table near the window. There was only one other person in the café, a man of a similar age with his back to Isak. 

He had expected to feel lighter once the divorce was finalised but once again his emotions fooled him, all he felt was tired and sad. His tea was too hot to drink so he looked around to see if there was a newspaper that he could read, he needed his brain to be busy. He wasn’t due back at work until next week and he couldn’t afford to let himself wallow. The other man was at table across from him had with his back to Isak, but he saw a newspaper sitting on the table. He leaned over, closer until he was just behind the man’s shoulder: 

“Excuse me. Are you reading that? May I borrow it?” 

The man didn’t respond. Isak spoke a little louder, 

“Excuse me?” 

Still no response. He tapped the man’s shoulder. The man spun round, pulling out his earbuds. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry to bother you, I didn’t realise you had...” and Isak pointed at his own ears. “Could I borrow the newspaper from the table?” 

“Be my guest.” The man passed the newspaper over, smiling a radiant gleam at Isak. 

Isak opened the paper and began reading. He read the headlines, the main stories and the editorials and had started on the crossword as he drained his mug when he was aware on the edge of his attention that someone was watching him. He scratched the back of his neck and tried to look without looking. 

The man was staring at him. 

Isak lifted his head and made full eye contact. The man half smiled and Isak couldn’t help but smile in response. He seemed very pleasant. 

“Is everything ok?” he asked. “Can I help you?” 

“Yeah...erm...it’s just. I was about to go, and I wondered if I could have my paper back?” The man asked with a cheeky grin. 

“What?” Isak blushed, “Oh my god, I didn’t realise...I thought it was the coffee shop’s paper...” 

“I know,” the man continued to smile, “but I always take a newspaper home for my mum, and if I don’t, she might get upset at me!” he sniggered. 

Isak felt his face get even redder as he handed the paper over. 

“I’m so sorry...I erm...I started the crossword.” He apologised again. 

The man brushed the apology away with a sweep of his hand. “I’m terrible at crosswords anyway and mum always shows off. I’ll just pretend that I did these answers. She’ll be really impressed!” 

Isak nodded. 

“Ok, well, see you around.” he tilted his head to the side quickly, in a sideways nod. 

“Yeah,” the man said. 

Isak gathered his stuff and began to move towards the door. 

“Erm!” the man called out, Isak turned around. “I’m here every day at 11:00 if you ever want to steal my paper again...or help me impress my mum.” 

Isak looked at him. 

The man stuck out his hand, 

“Even.” The man said, “My name, it’s Even.” 

Isak looked at the hand that was being offered to him. He blinked slowly and stuck out his own hand, joining it with Evens in a firm but soft handshake. (The kind that you are trained to give at interviews.) He looked directly in the Even's eyes and noticed that they were a clear, cool blue. 

“Isak. I’m Isak” 


	2. Frogner again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to improve my writing and I desperately want to learn how to tell a story from different perspectives. I suspect you might not notice the difference, but I'm trying.

Even stared out at the park though the window of the café. It was a beautiful, crazy place. No wonder he loved it!

He sighed deeply. At first this regular morning routine had been a support, a way to get him outside and moving again, but just lately he had become aware that it was perhaps beginning slowly to become a restriction, rather than a support. Was he sitting here every day very slowly building his own cage that would eventually imprison him for the rest of his life – leaving him unable to anything that didn’t involve morning coffee in Frogner Park at 11:00? 

Every day the same: morning walk through the park - look at the statues, newspaper from the kiosk, hot drink in the café and back home to his mum. 

He had been here at the same time, every day for the past three months, apart from the days it was closed over the Christmas holiday. He had worked his way through every drink on the menu many times and now stuck with the stronger brews as they pepped him up somewhat for the day ahead. 

Perhaps it was time for him to change things up a bit, maybe even looking at getting back to work or taking on a new challenge. Take control of his own life again. Just thinking about such things made him begin to feel anxious again. And anyway...What on earth was there out there for a 47-year-old musician with a history of mental health issues? Intentions were all very well, but practically what could he do? The one thing he thought he was good at was now on his list of ‘fails’. And the list was getting longer with every passing year: jobs that he couldn’t keep, employers that didn’t want his complications, relationships that barely lasted long enough to be called relationships... 

As he sat there, he could feel himself start to panic, so he pulled out his ear buds and selected his ‘calm’ playlist and turned it up as loud as he could cope with. How tragic, a 47-year-old that needed a ‘calm’ playlist just to get through a morning coffee. As the Mozart began to play, he closed his eyes and let himself settle into the sound. The violins soaring with the melody, the depth of the low woodwind and the strength and vibrancy of the brass. The music worked its magic, he felt himself become calmer and his breath get back to normal. Music always helped. 

He was gathering the energy necessary to leave and get back home and face the rest of the day, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun round in surprise and found himself face to face with a delightfully handsome man. 

His hair was a glorious halo of short, dirty blond curls, greying slightly at the temples and obviously messed up by the woolen hat that was sitting on the table. Perhaps receding a little. His face had a strong chin and angular cheekbones, gentle wrinkles around his eyes and the most amazing lips Even had ever seen - thin and beautifully curved into an intensely cute Cupid’s bow. He felt his own lips turn up into the biggest smile that his face had seen in a long time – at least since the incident. 

He pulled out his ear buds. The man was asking to borrow his newspaper, clearly not aware that it was Even's and not the café's. 

Even handed it over, turned back around and tried to work out a way to get the strange but beautiful man to engage in conversation. He wasn’t sure what to talk about but hoped that there was something on the front of the paper that would make for a 'not too weird' opener. But when he turned, he saw the man intensely focused and he knew immediately that he shouldn’t interrupt him, but he couldn’t help looking. He knew that it was borderline creepy, so he figured that he had a few minutes until he was noticed. The man had a pen in his hand and was filling in Even’s crossword. Perfect. He could use that. 

Even was just about to interrupt when he noticed the man stopping and becoming very still, pen hovering over the page, lost in thought. Even took the opportunity to look more closely and saw his long eyelashes flicker, pushing back what were obviously unshed tears – he could recognise that look anywhere! One so beautiful shouldn’t look so sad. He was filled with the desire to do something to soothe, something to help. 

When the man eventually looked up and made eye contact, Even tried his best to engage the man in conversation about the newspaper mix-up, but it just seemed to embarrass him although he was kind of smiling. Even knew that the conversation was not going well and the man was half-way towards the door before Even, panicking that he was going to walk out of his life forever, plucked up courage that he had no idea he still possessed – courage from his long-ago youth. 

“Erm!” Even called out at the man’s back, overwhelmingly relieved when he saw the man turn around with a half-smile on his face. “I’m here every day at 11:00 if you ever want to steal my paper again...or help me impress my mum.” 

And as the man looked at him, curious and willing to give Even the benefit of the doubt, Even took the bull by the horns. 

“Even.” He said with all the confidence he could muster, “My name, it’s Even.” 

Even felt himself very vulnerable, he had reached out, literally reached out and had no idea how this stranger would respond. Very slowly the man met Even’s hand halfway. 

“Isak. I’m Isak.” 

Isak? Even thought to himself. Isak. I do hope we meet again. And for the first time in a very long time, Even felt like he had something to look forward to.


	3. Tøyen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma.

Emma had no idea how to feel. 

She hadn’t fallen in love with Isak immediately. In fact, she suspects now that she never actually fell in love with him at all. Not ever. Not that she didn’t love him. She did. Very much. He was an intelligent and funny man, an amazing father and had been a thoughtful and kind husband. But from this other side, she could now see that what they had wasn’t what it could have been. 

They had met at work at when they were both 24 and with the enthusiasm of youth had got married at 25. She remembers the conversation clearly. 

Isak had said something like: “This is the longest I've ever been with someone. I think I love you.” 

She had said, “We should get married then.” 

Isak had paused and agreed and they were married 3 months later using an overnight return train ticket, in a fortress near Bergen with two tourists as witnesses. It made for a great story at family occasions. But now...looking back on it, Emma struggled to put her finger on ‘why’ they had really got married. 

She is also certain that she got pregnant on their wedding night in Bergen and when the twins were born only seven months later, premature and seriously ill, their lives became a chain of events that neither of them was able to stop or control. They hadn't even been on a holiday together as a couple yet, just Emma and Isak. And family holidays from then on had left very little couple time at all. 

The first two months after the birth, Emma had spent most of her time at the hospital, and Isak had come back and forward as much as possible, whilst still trying to work at the lab. She had felt like such a useless mother. Firstly, it had been her job to incubate these two precious lives, and she had messed that up. Then, she was meant to express so they could be fed her breast milk, to help their immune systems, but she had developed mastitis and it had been agony. She could still feel the needle pain as the horrible hospital pump milked her like a cow. And finally, the birth had been so traumatic that it had taken her body a lot of time to recover. She couldn’t pick them up for six weeks and had needed follow up surgery. When the babies were eventually strong enough to come home, she had slipped into post-natal depression and needed medication to help her cope. Isak had been extremely supportive through all of this but she still resented him. He managed to do everything right. He stayed healthy, took care of the babies and even completed a course online to allow him to move to a job that he loved. She was stuck being an administrative assistant and he was now designing prosthetics for amputees – which meant that everyone loved him! 

She hadn't even managed to come up with names for the babies, it was Isak who had suggested Sofie and Jakob after his grandmother and her grandfather. 

As the time had passed, his developing relationships with Sofie and Jakob was a lovely thing to see. Emma knew that she was jealous sometimes, she never felt as close to them as she knew Isak was. 

Isak and Sofie had found a love of maths and science together, first with Lego, then science kits and eventually high school exams and Sofie choosing Bioscience at university, just like her papa. They talked shop all the time, and Emma usually had no clue what they were going on about. 

She had assumed that she would manage to build a better relationship with Jakob, but here, Isak also seemed to steal him from her. Jakob was a lover of all things sporty, and Isak had gone to every one of his soccer matches in the summer and cross-country ski events in the winter, whilst Emma had stayed home and looked after Sofie. Now that he was doing Sports Management at university, she hoped she could begin to build their relationship again. 

Emma had been dreading when the children would move out. She was going to miss them so much! When they both chose UiO, she thought that they might stay at home, but as it turned out, they both wanted the full student experience and so had opted for halls, even though it was more expensive. She didn’t blame them and found herself envying their youth and freedom. They were just at the start, and she felt more and more like she was nearing the end. 

Then that day! Staring at Isak across the dinner table. Knowing that this could not be her life. She was not this person. They hadn't had sex in many months, and she couldn’t remember that last time that she had had an orgasm that wasn’t initiated by her own hands. She deserved more than this and she told him. 

“Isak. I think we should get a divorce.” 

His lack of an argument made it clear to her just how right she had been. 

And now here she was. Single, 45, and living in her new house in Tøyen. She was clueless as to what the future held for her, but as she thought about it she knew that she was more than willing to give it a go. 

And suddenly Emma knew how she felt. 

She felt happy.


	4. UiO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sofie and Jakob

Jakob’s phone rang. He stared at it. It was an unusual enough occurrence to make him pick it up immediately, but with a sense of unease, as if it was at least a little dangerous. 

_ Sofie: Hey _ _ Jakey__, it's me. _

_ Jakob: Sofs! _ _ Why are you calling? _

_ S: Are you studying? _

_ J: What do you think? _

_ S: I think you're playing computer games online and pretending that you don’t have any _ _ work _ _ to do! _

_ J: Uncanny...must be the twin thing. _

_ S: We don’t have a twin thing! _

_ J: Yes, we do! Remember when papa’s phone screen got broken and I just knew that it was you! _

_ S: Jake, it was either me or you and as you knew that YOU hadn't done it, you knew it was me. Nothing mystical about that _

_ J: Stop being so much of a loser. I'm only having fun _

_ S: At my expense _

_ J: … _

_S: … _

_ J: Did you call for a reason? Or just to berate me as usual? I can't remember the last time my phone rang... _

_ S: _ _ I _ _ remember__. _ _ It was papa phoning to tell us that he and mum were separating _

_ J: Oh yeah, I suppose it was...Anyway! What's up _ _ ‘ _ _ twinnie'__? _

_ S: Don’t call me that! _

_ J: *sigh*, What’s up _ _ ‘ _ _ Lady Sofie of Oslo and all its Kingdoms__’ _ _ ? _

_ S: Aw, you remembered! That's more like it. _ _How do you think papa was at lunch yesterday? It’s been on my mind since we saw him. And then seeing mama today...I don’t know? _

_ J: Mama looked happy. _

_ S: _ _ She did, didn’t she! _ _ And papa? _ _ How do you think he was? _

_ J: He looked... _

_ S: Yeah? _

_ J: _ _ I _ _ dunno__. He looked a bit...w__eird? _

_ S: Weird good or weird bad? _

_ J: I _ _ dunno__, just weird! _

_ S: Did you think he looked sad? _

_ J: Not about the divorce I don’t think. We both know it's not a surprise. _ _ I can’t believe they stayed together all these years. _

_ S: I know, _ _ I don’t think he’s sad about the divorce either _ _ but there's something going on and I can't put my finger on it. _

_ J: Maybe it's none of our business? _

_ S: He's our papa! _

_ J: I know, but he's also a grown man, and an old one at that. He’s probably going through the male menopause or something. He’ll buy a sports car soon or start bungee jumping. _

_ S: You’re a moron. _

_ J: Thanks!! _

_ S: Will you keep an eye on him? _

_ J: _ _ Of course _ _ I will. I love him to _ _ o _ _ you know. _

_ S: I know. Is he coming to your _ _ co__m__petition _ _ on Saturday? _

_ J: Yeah. He always does. It's at _ _ Holmenkollen _ _ . _

_ S: _ _ I might _ _ come too. _

_ J: Really? Since when did you like _ _ watching _ _ skiing? _

_ S: I just fancy coming__. _

_ J: Yeah...and seeing if you can work out what's going on with papa! _

_ S: Nope – I just want _ _ to _ _ support my little brother. _

_ J: Sofs, I’m only younger than you by 7 minutes. It hardly counts. _

_ S: _ _ Jakey _ _ – every minute counts! That’s what papa always told us. _

_ J: Whatever! Right, _ _ g__otta _ _ go, South America is coming online. _

_ S: _ _ O__k, loser. See you Saturday _

_ J: Again – whatever. _

He hung up 

_ S: ...rude! _


	5. Vogts Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

Even was a fool. He had done it again. 

He had met Isak and had let it grow and blossom in his imagination. Isak and his beautiful face. His glorious features. Isak would understand him. Isak would be his future. Isak would come to the café the next day and they would have an amazing conversation. They would smile as they learned each other’s foibles, and delight in getting to know all the things that made them unique. Even would make jokes and tell tall tales and Isak would touch his shoulder as he laughed. Even would hold his gaze for just a moment longer than necessary to let Isak know how he felt. He imagined himself gently tucking one of Isak’s errant curls behind his ear, gently letting his thumb rub across his strong eyebrow. Perhaps cupping his strong chin in the palm of his hand. 

He had gone home and had started composing. He hadn’t even touched his guitar since the incident, it was too real, too much of a reminder. But tonight...tonight he was inspired. He wrote a hymn to Isak’s lips, a ballad to his curls, a homily to his soul. 

He fell asleep, delightfully full at the thought of their meeting the next day and all that it foretold. All he could think of was Isak, Isak, Isak. 

The next morning, he had sauntered through the park as usual but with a new spring in his step. Full of excitement, nervous too but mostly excited. He had thought about bringing his guitar to let Isak hear the songs, but even he was aware that songs inspired by a person you had just met was probably too much too soon. 

He bought his newspaper as usual, ordered his coffee and sat at his window seat, this time facing Isak’s table. He was so excited he couldn’t concentrate to read, and he was scared that he would miss Isak’s arrival. He waited. 

Isak never came. Not at 11:00, not at 11:30 and not when Even stayed for longer than he ever had done. By 12:30 the lunch customers were arriving and Even knew it was time to leave, that Isak wasn’t coming. He couldn’t bring himself to go. He stayed until the last food orders at 16:00, too ashamed to make eye-contact with any of the staff. 

As he walked home through the park - his head hung low and his feet made of lead - he chided himself. 

Again Even. You’ve done it again. You have no idea who this man is. He borrowed your paper and smiled at you with his delightful lips. You mean nothing to him. You don’t even know him. He is not your saviour. No one is. You can’t even save yourself. 

Such a fool! 

And what was more upsetting was that Even knew this feeling well. He had been here many times before. He always rushed into relationships, putting all his hope in the next person, until it got too much for them and they ran, ran as fast as they could in the opposite direction from the weight of Even’s expectations. In the opposite direction of Even’s hopes and dreams. In the opposite direction of Even. Even was alone and he knew why. He was too much. Always too much. Too much.

“You’re home late,” his mum called from the living room. 

Even pulled off his boots and hung up his coat. It took a gargantuan effort. He fixed a smile to his face and walked into the room. 

“I told you that it was time to try and move on. Shake things up a bit.” he explained. He placed the unopened newspaper in the table. 

“I know, darling, and it was so lovely to hear you playing last night. Will you play again?” she looked hopeful. 

“Not just now, I’m a bit tired.” ...the truth. 

“Oh? What did you do today then?” 

Even paused, should he lie? His mum was the one person in the world who knew the most about him. Not everything, but nearly everything. She had been only nineteen when he was born, and they had always had a close bond. Although in her mid sixties now, she still felt young to Even. 

“I thought I had met someone, but they didn’t show.” He replied as honestly as he could. 

“Did they stand you up? Was it a date?” she asked gently. 

He sighed slowly and told her the full story. Standing in front of her like a confession, spilling out all his mess...the pleasure of their initial meeting and his growing and probably unhealthy obsession. 

“Oh Even, honey.” And she motioned for him to sit with her. 

He sat beside her, his head resting on her tiny shoulder. For so many years now she had been his closest friend and he loved her. It had usually been just the two of them. But he wished for so much more. He loved her, he did. Dearly. But Even wanted passion, and romance, and desire and companionship and someone who loved him for exactly who he was, not because they were his mum but because they chose him. Him and all that he brought with him. All his brokenness. Other people found it. Why couldn’t he? 

He felt the hot tears sit in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill. 

“I’m so sorry you have to live with me. I know that living in your mum’s retirement flat in Vogts Gate is not your idea of fun. It’s not where you planned to be. I’m sorry you had to give up your lovely house after...what happened.” 

She paused, turning to look directly at him. 

“But I know that you are wonderful. You are a deep soul, a talented musician and a caring man. You have so much to give. And I believe strongly that out there is a matching soul, someone that will let you feel everything that you want to feel. You just haven't met them yet.” 

Even sighed. “Really?” 

“Yes, I wouldn’t say it otherwise! Maybe they've just been busy doing something else for a while.” 

And then her eyes twinkled, 

“...and you’re pansexual, which is good, as it means not only are there plenty more fish in the sea, but every one of them is a potential for you. So...you know...get on it.” 

“Mum, that's actually quite an offensive thing to say.” Even snorted and rolled his eyes. “It’s almost panphobic!” 

“Good job you love me then!” she giggled. “What do you want for dinner?” 

Even sat thinking as his mum got busy in the kitchen. No one else was going to fix this for him. The next steps were up to him and he was determined now to sort it himself. Isak might not be the one for him, but as his mum said, there must be someone out there. Someone who he could love and would love him in return. He was capable of this. He had lived with his condition for so many years, and although the incident had been his worst episode in years, he knew bipolar condition like an old companion, and he could deal with it. No more hiding in a safe routine. It was time to get back out there. 

“Here mum, let me give you a hand....” he walked through to the kitchen, “How about my famous Klub. Do we have potatoes and plenty butter? I’m in the mood for some comfort food.” 

“Great idea, I’ve got some cake for dessert so we can wallow for a bit.” She stood on her tiptoes and rubbed his hair. 

“I’m going to be fine mum you know, better than fine. I’m going to be great.” 

“You already are great, honey.” and she kissed his cheek. “Every minute with you is precious. Now get grating those potatoes, I don’t want lumpy dumplings!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I love his mum.


	6. Holmenkollen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak.

Isak had been thinking. He had been thinking long and hard for days now. At home when watching a movie, he drifted off and pondered. When he was out walking, which he did a lot, he reflected. At the gym with Jonas he deliberated. When he met Sofie and Jakob for lunch, he ate and chatted and laughed, but he couldn’t help letting his mind wander. He might even have been cogitating! 

And what had got him to all this thinking? 

Life. 

Nothing more and nothing less. 

Here he was: 45, newly single and healthy, with all his own teeth. He now had to apparently work out what he wanted to with his life. 

In the long, cool years of his marriage, Isak had begun to suspect that he was just not interested in sex. He was no longer a horny teen and most nights he was too exhausted to make a move, and Emma seemed just as knackered. As he considered masturbating in the shower, it seemed to be such a waste of time and energy, time and energy that could be better spent getting under the covers and falling asleep. When he came across the term, he wondered if he might be asexual. 

And then the children had left. 

And then he and Emma had split, and he had left. 

And then Isak was alone but this time something returned...his libido...and with a vengence! 

He had been horny now for months but was at a loss what to do about it. He had all the desire but none of the opportunity. He had rediscovered the pleasure of...well self-pleasure, but it wasn’t enough. So, after all his thinking, Isak eventually realised what he wanted with his life. 

Sex. Isak really wanted to have sex. 

Lots of it: hot, passionate, steamy and maybe even a bit dirty and definitely with another person. He wouldn’t mind a relationship, but it wasn’t really his main aim. He was ready to play. He had had a few one-night stands before Emma, and he could probably remember what to do. 

But he had no idea how people met new people today. He had colleagues who spoke about using apps, but one look at the age of the girls on ‘Tindr’ made him think it wasn’t for him. The women on ‘Elite Singles’ seemed more interested in his status or career and the comments on ‘E-Hook-ups' made him blush. He didn’t even open ‘ShagSlags’. 

Isak had a problem and no idea how to solve it. 

On Saturday morning, he had gone to watch Jakob at his competition, and Sofie had come too. He thought Emma might have also come to watch, but Sofie said something about her gardening, which was a new development. He wasn’t the only one spreading his wings. Sofie had been rather intense with him, obviously noticing that something was bothering him and wanting him to share his deepest secrets with her. However, as close as they were, there was no way he was sharing his new and overwhelming desire to have lots of sex. But then he had realised that she might be helpful in one way, as a source of ideas on how to meet new people. 

As they waited for Jakob to start, wrapped up in full winter gear, he had turned to her, speaking over his face scarf, trying to appear cool and casual: 

“Sofs, how do your friends meet people, you know, if they want to start dating?” 

She looked right at him, eyes narrowing, “Whyyyyyy?” she asked slowly. 

“Well, now that I’m single, I thought it would be nice to perhaps, as I said, start dating.” 

“Papa, no-one says dating anymore.” 

“Well maybe people who are 45 do!” 

“Ok...Ok. Well, some of my friends have used apps.” 

“Yeah, I’ve had a look. I don’t think that they’re for me.” 

“You’ve had a look?! When? Actually, never mind. Let me think for a minute.” 

Silence. 

“Well, Mina met Josef at the mosque.” 

Isak raised his eyebrows. “I don’t go to the mosque.” 

“I KNOW, she sighed in exasperation, “But do you go anywhere regularly?” 

“Just to the gym with Uncle Jonas and I can’t see Aunt Eva being very happy to share him with me!” Isak giggled. “He’s not my type. Too hairy!” 

“Gross much!?” Sofie blushed. 

Isak burst out laughing. “Why gross? Is it because he’s a man?” 

“No! Love is love papa! It’s because he’s Uncle Jonas...and you...and... just yuck!” 

Sofie looked at him, paused and moved on as swiftly as she could. “Well, I met my last boyfriend at a club.” 

“You’re seeing someone?” Isak was surprised. 

“No, it only lasted a week or two, but what about that?” she looked questioningly. 

“What? A club? No way, I think I’m too old to go to a club!” Isak whined. 

“Well then an old persons’ club? Doesn’t the community hall do tea dances?” She giggled. 

“Amusing! I’m not dead yet! Is there nothing else?” 

“Well, I suppose it really just leaves one thing!” 

“What?” Isak almost shouted in frustration. 

“A coffee shop.” Sofie smiled in victory. 

“What? Why a coffee shop.” Isak sounded unimpressed. 

“Because everyone knows that LOADS of people meet their soulmate in coffee shops. Either they start off as friends, or alternatively they hate each other, or sometimes one is totally smitten and has to woo the other one before they fall in love. The possibilities are endless.” 

“How does ‘everyone’ know this?” 

“Trust me dad...coffee shop!” and she smiled like the conversation was over. 

Isak was sceptical, but thought that he might as well try. What did he have to lose? 

And so here he was on a sunny Sunday morning in mid February, at 11:00, walking into the coffee shop at Frogner Park, trying to meet someone! Anyone. Norwegians weren’t known for their ability to start casual conversations, so he wasn’t holding his breath. He figured if nothing came of it, he could wander round the park and enjoy the statues again. 

As he walked in, he didn’t look around, he hadn’t worked up the courage yet, so he went straight to the counter and order a large chamomile tea. Tea in hand he slowly turned around. The place was dead for a Sunday morning. There was not a woman in sight, so he made the decision to just take his tea to go and get on with the walk. There was one young dad with a baby in a highchair and a man with his back to him. But then something clicked in Isak’s brain. He recognised that back! It was the guy from the start of the week, the guy with the newspaper on the day he signed the divorce papers. The guy whose crossword he had ruined. He was impressed that he remembered him even though his brain had been a mess that day. 

The man glanced up and saw Isak. His face split into a huge smile. 

“Isak!” he said happily. Isak had to admit, it was nice to be recognised. 

“Hi.” Isak floundered, suddenly embarrassed, “erm...” He coughed, “I’m really sorry I don’t remember your name...Stefan?” Oh god. All he seemed to do in front of this man was blush! 

The man’s face fell momentarily, but he recovered quickly, “Nearly...Even.” He smiled again, then laughed. Isak was relieved. He didn’t seem to mind Isak’s poor memory. 

Isak looked around, feeling brave “May I join you?” He had no idea what he would do if Even said no! 

“Of course.” Even’s smile got larger, if that was possible. 

Isak noticed that his teeth were bright and sharp looking. Like a friendly vampire. He pulled out the chair round from him for Isak to sit. 

“Although, I should be offended that you don’t remember me.” Even fake pouted. 

Isak guessed that this was a joke, so he laughed. “I did remember you; I just forgot your name. Sorry! I was having a bit of a stressful day...when we met.” 

“Oh?” Even raised his eyebrows. “You did look kind of...delicate.” 

“It’s a long... well...you don’t want to hear all my tragic life stories.” Isak flapped his hand at the sky. 

“I’ll make you a deal. For every sad tale you tell me, I’ll give you one of mine. We’ll match each other story for story until we run out, or until the drinks get cold. What do you think? Deal?” 

Isak looked at Even and smiled. He thought about it and, well Even seemed quite nice. Maybe before he was ready for romance, he should firstly try to remember how to make new friends. 

“Ok...I suppose. Deal! Should I go first?” 

“Be my guest.” Even bowed. 

“Well, I guess it all starts with the end of my twenty-year marriage and the discovery that I had no idea of what to do next.” 

Even leaned his chin on his right fist. “A promising start...do carry on.” 

Isak told Even everything. More than he thought he would. He told him about the twins leaving, his and Emma’s separation and him moving out. He was careful not to badmouth Emma as he didn’t want to be THAT guy, but he was brutally honest about finding it difficult but also feeling relieved that it was over. There was something about Even that made him very easy to talk to. 

Isak paused, thought about his new found sex drive, and then blushed violently. 

“What was that?” Even pointed at Isak’s pink cheek, but with a gentle voice. “What passed through your head to bring a blush on?” 

Isak swithered, should he tell him? 

“Well. Promise not to laugh?” 

Even crossed his fingers over his heart, “Promise!” 

“Well...when Emma and I were together, the last few years...well... we weren't really having sex. I didn't really want to.” His voice became very low and quiet. “But since we split up things have changed.” 

“Oh yeah?” Even smiled. 

“I’d really like to meet someone, a woman who wants to have sex. I don’t mean a relationship. I really want to have sex with a woman who wants to have sex with me. I spoke to my daughter...” 

“What?” Even exclaimed. 

“No, not like that. Just about how to meet someone. She suggested a coffee shop, but the only person I’ve met is you and that’s not going to help me very much! I can't exactly have sex with you!” 

Even raised one delicate eyebrow. 

“Maybe not, Isak.” Even spoke quietly, “But I am a pretty good wingman, and I think I can help you out. Do you trust me?” 

Isak looked thoughtful, “Yeah, I think I do.” 

“Well perhaps we could continue...” 

Isak interrupted Even, “Oh my God. I’ve gone on about myself for so long that its nearly dark. You haven't had a chance to tell me anything about yourself. That wasn’t the deal.” 

“It’s fine” Even said quietly. 

“It’s not really.” Isak paused, looking at Even. “Look, it’s a long time since I’ve made a new friend, but I think that’s what we are now. I have to go back to work tomorrow, so I won't be available for morning coffees. Would you like to perhaps catch up another time? So you can tell your stories!” 

“That sounds really nice.” Even looked pleased but sounded reserved. “How about 11:00 again, here, next Saturday?” 

“I could be here at 10:00. We could maybe have a walk for a bit first?” Isak suggested. “I have a LOT of your story to hear to make up for all my chat today!” 

Even’s grin returned, “Ok, it’s a... Erm, what is it? I don’t suppose we can call it a date” 

Isak looked confused, “Well, yeah, it’s not a date...I don’t know.” 

Both men looked at each other. Even broke the silence first, 

“It's an appointment!” he stated. 

“That's what it is, we have an appointment.” Isak agreed. Isak held out his hand and Even met him halfway. This time their handshake felt different to Isak. Less formal, more friendly. 

As Isak walked away he smiled softly although there was no-one at all to see it. He was doing ok. He had put himself out there and made a new friend, and for just now that would have to be enough. 

He supposed he would just have to use his left hand tonight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All real apps btw!


	7. Hovdøya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvi.

Sylvi was an atheist, but that didn't mean that she wasn't a believer. She believed in a great many things. 

First of all, Sylvi believed in herself. She was a strong woman and she was pleased with the life that she had lived and the life that she was still living. She had lived a youth full of experimentation and experience and when a baby had come along she threw herself into the role of mother with all that she had. It hadn't always been easy, definitely not easy, but it had always been real. Her middle age had been one of fun and challenge and now in her sixties she continued to look for the new experiences that life could bring.

Sylvi also believed in the earth, the soil, the plants and the animals, the sun, the sky and the clouds. The ground under her feet which kept her centred. 

She believed in experiences: doing, living and being. And even now, one experience that she cherished was taking the ferry with the wind in her air and the salt spray on her face to one of her favourite places, Hovdøya. She and Even had done this many times over the years, from when he was a tiny baby in a sling to just last summer, before his most recent episode, before he broke in a way that she hadn't seen coming and had been unable to prevent.

Despite this, or perhaps because of this, Sylvi very specifically and with total focus, believed in Even: beautiful, vibrant, sparkling Even. Tall and glowing and with so much love to give. She never saw her son as damaged or incomplete. In fact his condition had made him, she believed, into the man he was today. His experiences had made him accepting of others, willing to work hard to find the best in them. And he was authentic, the most authentically real person she knew. Although it left him open to rejection, he never hid his condition or who he was. She couldn't be prouder.

And, finally, she believed in love itself. Not shallow, easy won, easy lost romance like the awful Romeo and Juliet, or the simplistic tripe like in modern romantic comedies. But love, real love, hard won, often fought for, painful and delightful. Love that you made a decision on and then tended to, like a delicate flower for the rest of your lives...together. Love that was risky, leaving you open to pain like never before, but so, so worth it.

She stepped off the ferry onto the vibrant green of Hovdøya and sent a prayer out to the earth. For Even. Let Even find love like that. Love that hurts but also heals. Love with someone that deserves him. Love that will mean he is no longer alone.


	8. Frøgner Again Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

They had met the next Saturday at 10:00 as promised, and the day had flowed easily from there. At first they had meandered through Frøgner, simply looking at the statues, but it had quickly degenerated into much silliness, acting like tourists, trying to copy the poses and taking strangely angled photographs. It made Even feel childish again, and he loved it. Isak’s giggling whilst trying to hold a particularly tricky pose had made him warm from head to foot. When they had exhausted their ‘artistic sides’, they had gone for their drinks, (double shot latte for Even, chamomile tea for Isak) and had continued their more serious conversation from the weekend before. 

"Ok Even. You discovered all my pathetic-ness last weekend. Today it's your turn to try and 'out-tragedy' me with your own life." Isak smirked, making light of it but with a serious undertone. 

"You sure? This is your last chance. If you leave now and never look back, you'll just be someone who met me a few times, had a laugh together and then we lost touch. However, if I tell you it all, you'll have to stay because if you leave you'll look like the shallowest shit in the world." Even laughed but it was hollow and his face didn't look amused. He was worried. 

"Why would I leave?" Isak looked puzzled 

Even sighed, "Because everyone else has." Even knew he was being dramatic, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't take it if his new friend, if Isak, left. 

Even had spent the previous week speaking sternly to himself. It was obvious to him that he found Isak insanely attractive, and the stories Isak told of his so-called failures only made him more alluring. Isak had been so amazing with the challenges that he had faced in life, and he was so modest, he couldn't see his own strengths. To Even, Isak deserved someone who would give him everything. And Even wanted to be that person. Even wanted Isak. 

However, Isak had made it clear in his confessions concerning his sex drive and about wanting sex...that it was with a woman...so Even had made a decision. He wanted Isak in his life and if it was to be as a friend then that is what he would take. He would support him, help him and be the best friend it was possible to be. He would do it because Isak deserved it. Isak was worth it. Unrequited love would mellow he was sure and they would be left with a friendship, one that was worth something. 

Isak leaned over and rested his hand on top of Even's on the table and looked directly in his eyes. Even hadn't noticed before, but his eyes were green, but not just green, they were flecked with greys and golds and hints of something mysterious and unnameable. 

And they were kind. 

Even looked down at Isak's knuckles and spoke. 

"I have bipolar condition." He began, he could see Isak nodding slowly out of the corner of his eye. "It's a mental health condition that means I experience episodes of great highs followed by chunks of time when I am very low. A continual cycle of mania and depression. Although I take medication and go to counselling, it is incurable, and the episodes still come." 

He looked up carefully at Isak's face. "I understand." Isak said and kept his hand on top of Even's. 

"Over the years, I have learned to live with it, but I can never get rid of it. Unfortunately, all the people that I have loved couldn't cope and eventually left. My longest relationship has been seven months, which was the amount of time that it took for me to have my next episode." 

Isak nodded again. 

"For the past ten years I have basically been single, although I am a bit of an expert at one-night stands." 

"Well, that could come in useful." Isak answered with a straight face. Even smirked. There was a comfortable silence and Isak slowly removed his hand. 

"You've never asked about my work." 

"No, I've been too busy talking about myself!" Isak smiled. "But, ok, I'll take the bait...what do you do for work?" 

"I'm a musician, mainly guitar, acoustic, electric and bass, but I'm pretty decent on the piano too. Due to my condition I've mostly been a session musician. I get regular recording gigs, a few live events, but it means that if I am feeling poorly, I can just disappear for a while. I make a good living from it - or at least I did." 

Even's voice tailed away but then continued strongly, "My mum helps keep an eye on me when necessary. I don't hide my condition, everyone who needs to know, knows, but I also don't like to talk about it. I have bipolar but I am so many other things too." 

"Ok then, like what?" Isak asked, obviously interested. 

"Well. I’m an excellent cook – my cheese toasties and klub are famous! Also, I know all the words to Eminem’s Lose Yourself.” 

“Very impressive!” Isak looked fake impressed. “We must put all of these to the test one day. Especially the toasties. Anything else?” 

“And... well... I’ve had relationships with both men and women, I like both men and women, so I'd call myself pansexual. Love is love, sex is sex for me. My mum teases me for being greedy but that's just her totally inappropriate sense of humour." 

Even looked carefully at Isak but Isak's face was almost expressionless. 

"You know, I told you that my daughter and I had a conversation the other day," Isak began, "...about meeting people, and well, to cut a long story short I joked that my best opportunity might be with my friend Jonas who I've known since we were tiny. I was only teasing her but..." 

It was Isak’s turn to look nervous. 

"What?" Even asked softly. 

"A long time ago, before either of us was married, way back in high school, I had a terrible crush on Jonas. I never told him, in fact, I've never told anyone, not even Emma, but I think I want to tell you." Isak shrugged. 

"Sexuality is so complicated and yet so simple, Isak. I take it the crush didn't last?" 

"No... he married my other friend, Eva...well, eventually, it took them a while, but I love him as a friend. I'm not confused about him or anything." Isak looked straight at Even. 

Even desperately tried to focus on the words that Isak was saying and not the subtle dip of his top lip or the thin pink line of his tongue that regularly darted out to wet those lips. 

"Is there a but?" He asked. 

"At the time I just brushed it off and I haven't thought about it for ages, but lately it's made me wonder if perhaps I was bisexual or something like that." He shrugged again. 

"When you spoke about getting laid before - you spoke about women." Even tried to sound as cool as possible. 

"I have no idea what I am talking about. I'm excruciatingly inexperienced. Even with Emma, we weren't particularly adventurous and neither of us seemed bothered to make the effort...or maybe it was just me. If I’m being honest – I don’t think I really know what I like." He finished. “I made a joke to Sofie about Jonas being hairy, but, well, I suspect that it wouldn’t bother me that much.” He wiggled his eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood. 

"You don't have to figure anything out immediately. There is no rush." Even advised, although inside his head a voice was screaming, 'Me! Me! Look at me!' 

“I like speaking to you Even. I’ve never really had a friend like you before and I like it a lot.” 

Even felt a warm glow inside. “I like you too Isak.” He paused, “Are you up for taking a risk? I think I’ve got an idea!”


	9. The Akerselva - Blå

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some disabilist language.

The bar was heaving, and it was still early.

Jens glanced across the industrial looking space from the top of the stairs and smiled. He loved the vibe of this place...a lot. He had instinctively created exactly the type of venue that he would want to go to. But he was also deep down, a businessman, so he was also very attached to the good amount of money that it made. The place was a goldmine. The youngsters loved it because it was in a trendy area, had a good atmosphere, cheap local beer and great bands; the older clientele, particularly the hipsters loved it because it looked cool and sold fancy craft ales and gins. He knew that he was onto a winner.

However, Jens, was not one to rest on his laurels, he was still very much hands on. He always personally oversaw all the gigs, making sure that everything was as good as it could be. If he was being honest, this place was his baby and he nurtured it just like a parent.

As he surveyed the crowd, he almost did a comedy double take. Was that? It couldn't be? Was that Even? God he hadn't seen him in over six months. If he was being honest, he didn't expect to ever see him out and about at clubs again. Not after what happened. He hesitated, should he maybe go down and say 'Hi'? He realised that he didn't want to. He never knew what to say to people who had those kinds of problems. He wasn't prejudiced, I mean everyone had their demons but that kind of crazy behaviour kind of freaked him out. He was just glad that it hadn't happened here so that it hadn't been his responsibility to clean up after it all and deal with the authorities. It was hard to forget that kind of fallout.

Anyway, it's not like they were good friends, they only really knew each other through the venue. And he had a lot of paperwork to do so he should probably go back to the office and get on to with that. 

He had a final look around. The place was even busier than it had been half an hour ago. He smiled to himself, it was going to be a profitable evening.


	10. The Tiger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak.

Isak sighed but was smiling too. He was entertaining Even’s proposal. “What’s your ‘risky idea’ then?” 

“Let’s go to a club.” Even exclaimed and Isak saw the hopeful look in his cool blue eyes. 

“A club? Oh, Even I don’t know. Don’t you think I’m a bit old?” Isak was protesting, but not too much, it sounded like exactly what he wanted to do. 

“Never!” Even answered with certainty. “A friend of mine has a band and they’re playing at Blå tonight. Let’s make our way home, get cleaned up and go. The music will be great, there’ll people of all ages there and you never know who you might meet.” Even looked at Isak with a particularly cheeky expression. “I used to go quite a lot, even played there once or twice, so I could introduce you to some people.” 

“But what do I do?” Isak couldn't remember the last time he had been to a club. What if the experience had changed so much that he looked like an idiot? 

Even rolled his eyes, “You’re thinking too much. Whatever you like! We can sit and drink beer outside and listen to the music as it filters out there, or we could go inside to the sweaty crowd and dance. It’s up to you.” 

“And if I don’t like it, can we leave?” 

“Absolutely!” 

Isak went silent then made his decision. 

“Ok. Well it’s 16:00 now. When should we meet?” 

“How about 20:00 at the Tiger...at the Central Station? I’ll have a carnation in my buttonhole and a newspaper under my arm.” He sniggered 

Isak laughed. “Very traditional, and if I get bored I can do the crossword?” 

“Yup - that’s what people do in a club with live music – the crossword!” Even snorted which made Isak laugh even more. 

When Isak arrived, Even was actually standing outside the station’s main entrance with - as promised - a bright red carnation and a newspaper under his arm. When he caught Isak’s eye he gave him his fullest megawatt smile. Isak couldn’t help but grin back. 

For the first time – or perhaps the first time that he would admit it to himself - Isak took a good look at Even as he was walking towards him. He was just a little taller than Isak but much more slender. His legs were almost skinny, whereas Isak carried more muscle...and if he was going to be honest, more fat too! Even was wearing multiple layers: a hoodie, a soft, thick grey hat with a huge scarf to match and a heavy retro denim jacket topped by the overwhelmingly incongruous scarlet carnation. He looked way younger than his years and the glorious smile on his face for some reason made it hard for Isak to tear his eyes away. 

“You weren't joking about the flower then.” Isak pointed and laughed. 

“I never joke about flora, Isak” Even said, straight faced. 

“Well, that’s good to know.” Isak smirked back. This man! 

It was a fifteen minute walk to the club, but with their dawdling and chat and general laid-back attitude it took them nearer forty five minutes. Rather than walking through town, they cut up to the river and followed the path beside the water, making it feel like they were somewhere remote, not the middle of a busy city. 

There were no clouds and the sky was open, which made the air crisp and sharp, and amplified the gurgle of the water. There was still old snow and frost underfoot. 

“I love weather like this.” Isak said simply. “When the twins were young, it was really difficult at night when one of them was crying – as it would keep the other awake. So, I used to wrap up the crying twin (usually Jakob) and take them out, even in the middle of the night. It helped settle them – and I really liked the atmosphere at that time of night. Everyone else asleep and the world belonged to you. The baby always stopped crying – almost immediately – it was like a shared secret. Just me and the baby” 

Even glanced across at Isak, making eye contact, but it was too dark for Isak to read the look in his eyes. 

“When I’m hypomanic, it is exact that time of the day, well night I suppose, that I feel my most content.” Even spoke to the path ahead of them, his breath a white cloud. 

“What’s hypomanic?” Isak asked softly. "There wasn't anything about that in the article I read."

“When did you?...oh never mind." He took a deep breath. "It literally means "under..." or "less than...” mania, so it's not quite a full mania. For me, I feel euphoric, I lose inhibitions and I feel joy... a lot. I don’t tend to risk take – I save that for full mania, but I have lots of energy, I usually can't sleep so walking really helps. And at that time of night, it feels comfortable, like you said, you feel like you’ve got the world to yourself.” 

“I can understand that.” Isak nodded. “I’ve not always been a great sleeper.” 

“It is one of the things that tends to freak out any partners that I’ve had. An empty bed in the middle of the night can be somewhat unsettling.” Even shrugged. 

“I would just stretch out star-shaped and make the most of the space!” Isak giggled. 

Even shoved him with his shoulder. 

They could hear the club from ages away, way before they could see it. The sound started as a quiet throb, but soon becoming a louder, rumbling din. 

Even and Isak stood at the door to the venue, Even’s hand on the metal panel 

“Ready? There’s no going back now!” Even asked. 

“Not really sure!” Isak breathed out. 

“But I’m gonna be the best wingman ever and make sure you have a very lucky night!” Even boasted. 

“Then for that I’m ready!” Isak nodded and placed his hand on top of Even’s. Together they opened the heavy industrial partition. 

As they pushed at the door, the sound hit them like a physical force. Like a hammer to your chest and a bucket of boiling water over your head... it filled every one of Isak’s senses. He could taste the noise! He slowly looked over at Eve, staring, and eventually yelled: 

“This is fucking FANTASTIC!” His eyes were as wide as his smile. 

Even grinned back, “I fucking KNOW!” 

They checked their coats and hats and pushed their way to the bar, buying two bottles of beer, easier to hold, and turned to look at the band on stage. 

Isak nodded at them, “Is that your friend?” he shouted in Even’s ear. 

“Nah, that’s just support. They won't be on until midnight or so.” 

“Really?” Isak’s eyes went wide again. 

They listened to the support act for a while, but moved outside until the main act came on, to give their ears a rest and to try and cool down a bit. It was 23:00 and Isak was smiling. He was standing opposite Even at the outside bar, trying to converse through the ringing in his head. He'd had more beers than he’d had in a long time. He felt very comfortable and very happy. 

“Don’t look now,” Even spoke directly into Isak’s ear, making him unexpectedly shiver, “But there’s a woman totally checking you out! On your left.” 

“What do I do?” Isak asked, gathering himself and looking at Even in panic. 

“Do you want to speak to her?” Even replied. 

“I don’t know...should I...what does she look like?” 

“It’s up to you. She looks nice enough. In her forties I would say, tall, blond highlights, Rubenesque.” Even answered simply. 

“Do YOU think she’s good looking?” Isak asked. 

“She’s not my type but she seems fun.” Even answered him honestly. 

And before Isak knew it he was flirting carefully with a curvaceous blond woman and smiling as best he could. He was nervous but enjoying himself a little and it was nice to feel like someone was interested in you. And it made him happy to see that Even was smiling too, talking animatedly to her friend. 

Isak caught Even’s eye and grinned from ear to ear. Even wiggled his eyebrows and nodded his head sideways, pointing his ear to the dancefloor. Isak felt a look of panic come across face but Even just looked at him sternly. Isak felt Even's eyes on him as he slowly bent down to the woman to ask if she wanted to dance. She nodded her head at him and as they both headed towards the dancefloor, Isak saw the woman’s friend turn towards Even, smile and ask him something in return. 

“I'm Maria.” she said to him loudly as they walked to the dance floor. “Isak!” He shouted back. 

It was the first time in a very long time that Isak had moved on a dancefloor in a way that didn’t involve a small child holding his hands, standing on his toes and being shuffled back and forth. He looked at Even to see what he was doing so he could copy his moves, but he had disappeared into the heaving crowd. Isak was on his own and suddenly he felt very uncomfortable. Maria smelled of fake flowers and her head just reached up to his chin, it all felt wrong. 

“I need to go to the bathroom.” He shouted at her, and slipped quickly towards the edge of the dancefloor, sweeping the room carefully for any sign of Even as he went. He couldn’t see him anywhere. Feeling like a total jerk, he hid behind one of the massive, green metal pillars and scanned the crowd. After what felt like an eternity but was probably about three minutes, he caught sight of Even. He had also left the dancefloor and was doing exactly the same thing as Isak on the other side of the room – hiding. He was sitting on a low step at the back corner of the bar, knees bent up to his chin, arms wrapped around his shins and his eyes looking down at the floor. Isak had no idea what it was but something told him that Even wasn’t ok. 

He pushed his way as quickly and as politely as he could round the crowded floor until he reached the place where Even was hunched over. He knelt down gently in front of him. 

“Hey Even,” he asked softly, “Are you ok?” 

Even looked up at him, eyes at first blank and unseeing but becoming more focused as he recognised Isak. 

He nodded slowly at first, then stopped and shook his head. 

“Do you want to leave?” 

He nodded again. No head shake. 

Isak reached out and took his hand, intertwining their fingers, and led him as carefully as possible through the crowd, looking for the quietest route to avoid bumps and shoving, an impossible task. He sat Even at a chair outside and went to pick up their coats. He helped Even into his jacket and buttoned it up, wrapping his scarf around his neck and finally carefully putting his hat on. Then he wrapped himself up quickly – it was freezing. 

He picked up Even’s hand again and led him across the river bridge. Even looked at him carefully. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your night.” He said in a small voice. 

“You didn’t ruin anything. I was looking for you to leave anyway.” Isak admitted. 

“What about the woman?” Even looked a bit puzzled. 

“Maria? I guess she wasn’t my type either,” and then he added, “I actually abandoned her on the dance floor - a bit of a dick move!” 

“Yup, we can never go back there again,” Even added, trying to make a joke of it but his voice broke as he said it. 

They walked in silence to the tram stop. 

“Where are we going?” Even asked, confused. 

Isak turned to him, still holding his hand, “Until I know you’re going to be alright, you're coming home with me.”


	11. Outside Blå

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria.

Maria was in a fucking foul mood. Stood outside Blå smoking her last cigarette and trying clam to the fuck down.

She thought she had struck gold with Isak. Bastard! He was cute, said he was single and seemed to like her. He had been charming as they spoke, if a bit shy, which she found totally endearing. Most men were players but Isak had seemed different. Obviously not, the wanker. He was a big fucking player. 

He had asked her to dance, fucking abandoned her on the dance floor like a teenage loser and left with his motherfucking 'friend' who was obviously his partner. Probably having some couple fun with a night of role play at her expense. God she hated men sometimes. Gay or straight, they were all fuckers. She would put money on it that they were having hot fantasy sex right now and laughing about her.

The sooner she was in bed with a hot chocolate the better. She might even break out her best vibrator - she deserved it after the fucking night she had had.

Men! Bastards! All of them!


	12. Grünerløkka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this is too dull in its burn or its content but I like these men and their people so I'm just going to keep with my plan.

Sylvi was in her favourite bar in Grünerløkka, in the middle of a rather interesting hand of poker when her phone rang. She quickly checked the number, apologised to her opponents, gave up her hand and answered the call.

_Sylvi: Hi Even, give me a minute, it's too noisy in here._

She pushed her way through the crowd and out the front door to the smoking area.

_Sylvi: That's better. What's up? Are you having a good night? God, it's freezing out here._

_Isak: Hello. I'm sorry to bother you, it's not Even, it's his friend Isak._

_S: Oh yes, Isak, he said you were going out... Is Even ok?_

_I: I'm not actually sure. Something happened._

_S: Ok. Just take your time and tell me. Can you tell me?_

_I: I'm not really sure what happened. We were in the club and we were dancing with two friends, both women, but we got separated from each other. I left the dance floor to...erm...go to the bathroom and I saw him sitting in a corner._

_S: How did he look, Isak?_

_I: erm...he was sitting down, his knees pulled up tight. His eyes were a little unfocused. I don't think he recognised me at first. He said he wanted to leave so I brought him back to my place, I wasn't sure whether to let him go home alone._

_S: That was the right thing to do. Thank you for looking after him. Was he breathing heavily?_

_I: I think so. What's wrong with him?_

_S: I think it was probably a panic attack._

_I: Oh...did I do something wrong?_

_S: Panic attacks are usually triggered by something and I have my suspicions what caused it, but it's not really my story to tell, Isak._

_I: ..._

_I: Yes. Of course, of course._

_S: Are YOU ok, Isak?_

_I: Yes, I'm just worried about him, I don't want to make things worse._

_S: Do you care for him?_

_I: I've...I've only known him a few weeks. We've not spent a great deal of time together._

_S: That's not what I asked._

_I: ...Yes, yes I do. I care for him very much, but I'm not sure in what way._

_S: That doesn't matter honey. If you care for him, just follow your instinct and you'll do it right. Just don't let him get away with any shite._

_I: Shite? Like what?_

_S: Oh believe me, you'll it know it when you see it._

_I: ..._

_I: Ok, Ok...What should I do now?_

_S: What's he doing?_

_I: He's sleeping. I put him in my bed and I'm on the couch._

_S: That sounds like the best thing for him. He'll be pretty exhausted. Erm...Isak, what's he told you?_

_I: He's told me that he lives with Bipolar condition and that it gives him highs and lows, and that they can be very extreme._

_S: Ok. Well...to be honest, he's been pretty high lately. Not full blown mania but still more high than usual._

_I: Hypomania? He told me about that._

_S: Yes, that's right. So, I think he will likely have a crash when he wakes up. Maybe not a full depressive episode but you can never be certain. Are you up for that or do you want me to come and get him in the morning?_

_I: ..._

_I: I'd like to help him if I can..._

_S: I'm very pleased to hear that._

_I: What do I do?_

_S: Just be his friend. Give him some space but call me if anything feels too much or too difficult. Can you use his phone and send me your contact?_

_I: erm...He doesn't have it yet, but I'll sort it out now. Maybe I'm not the best person for this after all?_

_S: Honestly? I think that you're exactly the right person for this, if you're up for it._

_I: I want to help._

_S: Then call me later, let me know how things are going._

_I: Ok. Thanks._

_S: And Isak? Be honest with him. Don't try to protect his feelings. He doesn't need to feel patronised._

_I: I'll try. I'm not sure what that means but I'll try._

_S: Yes, I think you will._

_I: Ok, thank you. Erm...goodbye._

_S: Thank you. Bye Isak honey. Good luck._

Sylvi sighed as she pocketed her phone. She wasn't surprised by tonight's turn of events but she was still concerned. She hoped beyond hope that this Isak was worthy of her boy...he sounded sincere, but she sent a final prayer out to the sky and the stars just in case. Then she turned tail and returned to her game; She was on a winning streak and it would be bad luck to give up now.


	13. Hausmanns gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13...unlucky for some.

Even breathed out slowly and rolled over. This was a very comfortable bed. The sheets felt nice: soft, fresh, new. He stretched his arms and legs and heard his joints pop. Then he realised, this must be Isak's bed. 

He slowly returned to consciousness and felt the queasiness start, firstly in the pit of his abdomen but then it travelled until it was sitting in the back of his throat. It wasn't a hangover. Well, not due to alcohol anyway. Last night came slamming back. Oh my God. Well, the friendship with Isak had been nice while it lasted. Now he truly felt sick. What had he done?

He probed his brain like a doctor would gently press the arms of a patient to check for broken bones, although he was not checking for physical damage but psychological fallout.

He sighed. 

Why was he bothering? He knew the truth. It was all useless anyway. Even if he wasn't depressed he was still a massive loser. What a waste of space he was. He couldn't even give Isak the fun evening out that he had promised. Isak who was so kind, and so interesting and so beautiful. Isak who should meet someone who would give him everything that he desired. Isak who had just wanted to have some fun and perhaps get laid and had ended up caring for his crazy friend, who was secretly and probably creepily, obsessing over him and who couldn't even cope with being alone in a club without having a panic attack. Tragic! That's what this whole situation was. Destined to explode\implode\fall apart...select the appropriate verb.

There was a knock at the bedroom door and Isak peeped round carrying two mismatched mugs.

"Can I come in?" He smiled.

"Erm...it's your room, so I guess so." Even answered unemotionally. He put his internal monologue on pause as he looked at Isak, trying to estimate the other man's emotional state: Was he frustrated? Exhausted? Angry?

"I'm sorry I don't have any coffee, but I've brought you a chamomile tea. I hope that's ok."

Kind? Thoughtful? Even was confused.

He nodded and looked on silently as Isak put the mug on the bedside table and stood carefully beside it, taking a sip from his own.

"The bathroom is down the hall on the left." He pointed. "I've put in a towel and some clean clothes. You should take a shower then come and join me in the living room when you're done. I'll make some toasted bread, and I've got some fresh butter and jam."

Isak's tone of voice was such that Even simply obeyed, Isak seemed to leave no room for any other options. On reflection, Even supposed it was his parental voice.

As Even walked into the living room\kitchen, hair wet and body clean, the smell of toasted bread made his mouth water. He realised that he was hungry. He placed his half finished tea on the table and sat down and joined Isak. He wouldn't normally drink chamomile but it had gently settled his heaving stomach. They ate in silence.

"Thank you for taking care of me." Even eventually sighed.

"I was glad I could help. I mean, I'm glad I was there." Isak smiled softly.

"Where are we now? Where do you live?" Even asked.

"An apartment block in Hausemanns gate. A bachelor pad...one that has seen very little bachelor action." Isak laughed gently.

Even placed his half eaten crust of bread on his plate and stated calmly, "I should go now."

"Why?" Isak asked simply.

"This isn't your problem. You shouldn't have to..." His words tailed off.

"I thought we were friends."

"We were, but you didn't exactly know what you were signing up for. I should go." Even repeated and sighed a deep, slow breath.

"Is this the shite?" Isak asked, a little sharpness creeping into his tone.

"What?" Even was confused by the non-sequitur.

"When I spoke to your mum last night..."

"Mum was here?" Even balked.

"No. I called her on your phone. Just in case..."

"Oh!" Some relief...

"She was really helpful. She said at some point you would talk shite and that I hadn't to let you get away with any. I'm guessing that this is what she meant. This talk of you leaving...shite!"

Even snorted. "Yeah, I suppose it is." Trust his mum to predict his modus operandi!

The silence stretched.

"Why don't you try just telling me." Isak offered.

Even shook his head, "I can't." The words whispered, almost silent.

"Why not?"

Even just shook his head. Eyes large. "It's too humiliating. If I told you I don't think you'd ever want to be my friend again."

Even looked at Isak, expecting to see pity in his eyes. But what he saw surprised him. In Isak's eyes there was some kind of fire, what was it...anger?

"What kind of bastard do you think I am Even? You've listened to me tell you about my marriage, my kids, my divorce, my teenage crush on my best friend and my strangely renewed libido. Am I so shallow that I would run from your stories?"

"No, that's not what I mean."

"Then what do you mean? I didn't run when you told me you had Bipolar." Isak spoke, clearly impassioned.

Even shook his head again and large, fat hot tears began to spill from the corner of his eyes. "I don't know."

Isak stood up for the table and came back with a cotton handkerchief, Even hadn't seen one of these in years...

Isak just watched Even carefully as he sobbed, and sniffed, and snottered and blew. Once his crying had started to dissipate, Isak took the handkerchief from him and tossed it to the side. He picked up Even's hand in his own and led him to the couch.

"Please, sit down." Isak instructed quietly. 

Even sat, rigid and upright, facing forward, knees bent, both hands clasped on his thighs.

"Your mum asked me a question last night. She asked if I cared for you. I tried to avoid the question for a bit, but when she asked me again, I told her that I did. I do, Even. We've only known each other for a couple of weeks, but I care very much for you. I want dearly to be able to help you."

He looked at Even carefully.

"Will you let me...let me help you?"

Even was caught. He couldn't move. A grown man and he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. He couldn't react.

"I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do, but I'd like to continue to be your friend and this feels like a fork in the road for us. We can either move along together or go our separate ways, and if I'm honest, I'd much rather the former, not the latter."

Suddenly Even knew. He knew. Whatever was ahead for him, it would be much less, much emptier if it didn't include Isak. He made a decision. He turned his head and looked directly at his friend.

"I had a panic attack last night." He began simply.

"Your mum guessed as much." Isak nodded. She said it was probably caused, erm...triggered by something?" His voice went up at the end like he was asking a question.

God, that woman! "Yes, it was." Even admitted. "This is a difficult story to tell so will you let me just get it out and not say anything until I'm finished?"

Isak nodded, so Even turned a little to face Isak and began. He took a deep breath.

"So I told you that I'm a musician, the guitar, mostly recording sessions and behind the scenes stuff but sometimes I play for live events. Not often. I prefer to be invisible."

He looked up at Isak who only looked back, clearly giving Even his full attention. Even swallowed thickly, it was almost more than he could bear.

"About, well roughly or so, nine months ago I started to experience hypomania, really subtle at first. I normally spot the signs and try to make sure I get mum or others to help out, but it coincided with a burst of musical creativity so I didn't really notice. I started to sleep less and less and played and wrote music nearly every night, all night. I was full of energy and it was fantastic. I realised that the work I was creating was the best I had ever done."

He looked at Isak, "This wasn't true, it was the hypomania talking, the work was awful, terrible, not good at all! I got the idea to start experimenting with playback loops...you know what that is?"

Isak shook his head, saying nothing.

"It's a way to record yourself as you play live, and repeat it back...meaning you can build up layers and different sounds, so although you are playing solo, you can sound like a full band. I worked on this for weeks as I slid into a full blown manic episode. I bought a lot of very expensive and totally unnecessary equipment. Very expensive! I hired a studio which I didn't need. It took all of my savings. When I felt like I had got to the point where I was ready to share what I was sure was my Magnus opus, I took out a loan against my house, hired a venue, bigger than I could ever fill and planned a concert."

He sighed and put his head in his hands.

"In my head it was going to be a magnificent event, like Woodstock. People would say, 'I was at the concert when Even first played it.' It would be talked about for years. Well...at least that bit was true, but not for the reasons I thought!" He snorted without a trace of humour.

Even's knees were bouncing up and down, his hands wringing over and over on his lap. Isak reached over and softly took hold of them stilling them with his calmness.

"The night itself was a disaster. Hardly any tickets were sold but I wouldn't listen to advice and carried on regardless. The people that did come were all my friends who were musicians and they knew bullshit when they heard it! I had no support act and just started cold. I couldn't even finish the first section. I continually lost my place and made mistakes. Eventually I dropped my guitar and just ran. I locked myself in a basement room of some kind and hid."

"Oh Even." Isak whispered.

"My depression hit immediately and I went almost catatonic. I couldn't move. The venue had to call the emergency services to cut me out of the room and take me to hospital. I spent three weeks in a ward for people with mental illnesses and on my discharge I had to move in with my mum and sell my house to pay for all my debts. As it turned out, that wasn't enough, so I also had to borrow from mum for the rest."

Even saw Isak wipe surreptitiously at his cheek.

"When you met me in the cafe, I had followed the same morning routine for nearly three months. I am on pretty serious medication. I thought that that was going to be my life from now on...get up, take medication, walk, coffee, live with mum. I'm sorry Isak, but I'm nothing but a failure."

Isak cleared his throat subtly, "What happened last night?"

"I haven't been back to a club since...since the incident. In fact, I haven't been anywhere. Not to the cinema, supermarket or anywhere where there are people except the park, the newspaper kiosk and the cafe...at the same time every day."

"So why...?" Isak looked confused.

"For you Isak." Even's voice cracked as he spoke.

"Oh!" It was just a breath really, not even a sound from Isak.

"When I met you...I fell head over heels for you. I'm sorry. I realise that you are not into guys. I wanted to be normal for you. It caused a bit of a high, I actually played my guitar for the first time since...but it wasn't really healthy. I was starting to obsess about you. With mum's help I thought I had it got it under control. I wanted to be your friend. To help you get back out there, find someone, have sex, have fun. I thought I was capable of that."

He paused and took a deep breath for courage.

"I was fine at the club at first, because you were with me, but when we got separated it all came screaming back. I couldn't control it and I have no idea what happened before you found me. Hopefully I just sat down quietly and was ignored."

"I think that's what happened." Isak nodded.

"So you see, Isak. I am not the person that you thought I was. I am not a good choice as a friend. I am bat-shit crazy and I'm probably in love with you and..well...that's all really."

Isak sat on the couch and stared at Even. "Can I speak now?"


	14. Hausemanns gate - still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak.

Isak sat on the couch and looked with nothing but compassion at Even. "Can I speak now?" 

Even nodded, "Yes."

"Ok. You'll need to give me a bit of time, this is a lot to take in and I want to make sure I've got it all a clear in my head. Is that ok?" He asked, carefully checking Even's face.

"Take all the time you're need." He answered, but Isak could see by the look in his eyes that he wasn't expecting anything good from Isak's pondering.

"Well, firstly I take exception to the phrase 'bat-shit crazy'. It is unhelpful and disabilist and stigmatises people with mental health issues." He raised his eyebrows. "I happen to care very much for someone with bipolar condition so I'd rather you didn't use such loaded language."

Even looked at Isak incredulously. 

"Noted." He said, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Secondly, I'd like to ask some questions...just for clarification if that's ok?"

"Go ahead." Even answered in as detached a voice as possible. To Isak's mind he was clearly preparing himself to be asked to leave or something similar.

'Right!' Isak thought, 'I'll have to be very careful here.' He knew what he wanted but he was unsure how to achieve it. He wanted Even to feel safe, feel cared for and to know that Isak was thinking very seriously about the nature of their relationship. But he didn't want to give him false hope, he wasn't certain how he felt about him yet and he knew that it would be cruel to lead him on.

He thought about the skills he had picked up when dealing with Sofie and Jakob when they were at their most teenagey. The careful manoeuvring and clever, subtle psychology. Then he remembered what Even's mum had advised, be honest...don't patronise. That advice sounded like the better option.

"Right...You are recovering from a significant bipolar episode that you had about four months ago?" He asked bluntly.

"Yes." Just as blunt.

"And it has left you finding day to day life significantly challenging, but it has been getting better."

"Yes. And I'm still on quite heavy medication, probably will have to be for a while."

Isak thought carefully.

"Ok. You went to that club, even thought you knew it was going to be a huge challenge for you, just to help me, because you like me?" His voice incredulous.

"Yes. I know it was stupid."

"I didn't say that. Don't put words in my mouth, Even." Isak admonished. 

"Sorry. Yes, I did."

"You like me so much, that you played music again, your guitar. And it was the first time since your episode." Isak now sounded interested.

"Yes. It was."

The thought of this distracted Isak for a minute, he went off plan...

"What is it that you wrote about me...what did you focus on?" He realised that he was digging for potential compliments but he was intrigued. No one had ever...well...just ever... No one had ever been inspired by him,

"Well, I don't really do lyrics, but... Do you really want to know?" Even was looking uncomfortable.

"You have no idea how much!" Isak couldn't help but tease a little.

"Well, there was an acoustic piece, kind of classical... about your...erm about your hair." Even paused. "It's called 'Crowning Glory'."

Both men blushed.

Even cleared his throat to give himself some time.

"I also managed a chorus for a country type song called 'Now he's free, He's for me'..."

Isak snorted, "That sounds ...erm...like it needs work."

"Yeah, it wasn't good!" Even let himself giggle. The atmosphere was changing, and Isak noticed.

"And I've got the first verse to a tune that sounds a bit like a hymn."

"What's that about?"

Even went silent. Isak was intrigued as to what was coming. "Its dedicated to your lips." Isak noticed that Even could hardly get the words out.

"My lips?" He smirked, licking the offending body part without meaning to.

"Yes, your lips, your Cupid's bow dip, and the little birth mark that sits to the left corner of your top lip." Even reached out with his two longest fingers and traced Isak's top lip and stopped at the birthmark. Isak froze at Even's touch.

Even removed his hand immediately, like it had been burned.

"Oh I'm so sorry." He blustered.

"It fine." Isak smiled, absentmindedly rubbing the spot where Even had just been. It wasn't fine. It was electric. It was amazing. He wanted very much to feel it again.

"No...I should never have had...erm...touched you without your permission." Even looked wretched. "I wasn't thinking."

Isak smiled softly but with intent. Something had definitely changed now. Now he knew, the certainty had come with the touch. He turned to face Even fully on the couch, 

"What if I gave you my permission. Could you touch me then?"

Even nodded very slowly.

"Would you like to touch me again?"

"But you don't like guys, not in that way."

"I have no idea about 'guys', but I like you. And I REALLY liked when you touched me just then." Isak meant every word. "And I'll never really know in what way I like you until I try."

"Are you saying this to be kind or because you feel sorry for me?"

"No, I'm saying this because I would very much like to be touched by you, if you were willing. It's a bit of risk I suppose. It might be a massive mistake, but I have a feeling that it won't be."

Even swallowed. Isak watched his Adam's apple bob up and down. He saw him lift the same hand and the same two fingers and placed it just to the left of Isak's top lip, covering his little birthmark. His eyes were following his fingers, not looking at Isak directly. Isak could feel Even's breathing becoming heavier, and in turn he could feel his pulse beating in his neck.

He carefully turned his head sideways and softly kissed the tip of Even's fingers. Even's eyes went wide but he didn't move. Isak made full eye contact with Even, his own breathing was now obviously laboured. He took his time and focused on Even's face. 

Even let his hand fall.

"Is this wise, Isak?" He asked. "I've just told you some very significant information and you're acting like it doesn't matter at all."

Isak hated that Even thought that way.

"Even it matters to me very much. It tells me that even though it was one of the hardest things you could have done, you met me in the centre of Oslo, took me to a place that you KNEW would be extremely difficult for you. And you did all that for me. Just because you liked me and wanted to be my friend. Not only that, but you wrote a terrible country lyric for me. That's how much you care." He wanted Even to know how grateful he was, but to also lighten the mood a little.

Even barked out a short, sharp laugh. "Yup, that's me!" But he looked serious again. "But I mean it about my condition. I'm a mess. It was a really serious episode and despite the disaster of my finances, my mental health is not good."

Isak nodded. "I understand, and I'm not dismissing it. I just don't think it's the only thing that matters. We both come with immense amounts of baggage. My baggage is roughly 20 years old and comes in the form of a male and female grown adult!"

Even smiled.

"Now, will you kiss me please?"

Even gulped

"I give you permission now to kiss me, with your lips on my rather amazing ones."

Even looked at Isak's eyes, looked round his face and then at his lips. Isak had never felt so seen by another person. Even's hand came up and stroked Isak's cheek, he leaned into the touch and watched as Even quickly darted his tongue out to moisten his lips. Isak mirrored him and did the same, without even thinking.

"Are you absolutely sure?" 

Isak nodded, never breaking eye contact. "It has surprised me too, but I don't think I've ever been more certain of anything!"

And with delicious slowness Even moved towards him, gently stroking his jaw the whole time. Isak's eyes closed like a flower at sunset and with the full appreciation of the delicate sensations, he felt Even's lips, ever so softly, like a breeze, brush against his own and pull slowly away.

They both stilled, lips just millimetres from each other, sitting on the couch, Even touching Isak's face, Isak's hands in his own lap, both their eyes closed. Isak could hear both their breathing. Isak could feel Even's sweet breath on his top lip. He opened his mouth so that he could breath the same air. They stayed that way for what felt like the longest time and Isak thought it was the sexiest thing that he had ever done. He opened his eyes and all he saw was blue, blue, blue.

"I think that's the most erotic kiss I've ever had." He breathed out.

Even looked at him carefully, pulling back a little.

"Oh baby," he teased, "I think we can do a little better than that!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not the plan, it wasn't meant to happen yet. Then Even touched Isak's face and everything changed. I am finding that I enjoy it very much when the characters take over from the author.
> 
> It might be a few days as I've got some updating to do.


	15. Grønland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas. (Yay!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best friend of all best friends.

Isak was late. This in itself was unusual enough for Jonas to be curious, but coupled with cancelling Wednesday’s gym session and long silences on social media all week, Jonas was almost getting worried. Isak was usually the first one to message a terrible joke or an awful meme. 

He hoped he hadn't missed anything. He had assumed that Isak was doing well since he and Emma split up. He knew that divorce was never easy, but he seemed to move on pretty quickly; His new flat was great, and let's face it, he and Emma lasted years longer than any of their group of friends had thought they would. The surprise wedding and early...very early... babies just tied them down before they could work out how incompatible they were. If Jonas was being brutally honest, he had never liked Emma. She was pretty, but God she could be dull! She wasn’t particularly gifted in the brains department and she never really said anything interesting and didn’t have a clue about politics or current affairs. She was exactly the type of girl that he and Isak would have avoided in school. Isak who was so smart, and funny and unfortunately loyal! 

Jonas just hoped that he would meet someone new, someone to make him happy. Someone who was a fair match for him. Someone to make his heart full and give him passion. Someone like Eva – he smiled to himself... 

Eva. How lucky was Jonas to find her again after so many years? They just fitted and it was so right. Forty was his fresh start, and he knew he would be grateful to the fates for the rest of his days. 

He looked at his watch again and smiled to himself, if it was the other way round and Jonas was late, then Isak wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. Jonas was always late – late for everything, and ever since he and Eva had had first Maria and then Thea, it only made matters worse. 

“Jonas? Jonas!” 

He heard Isak shouting his name before he could see him. 

“Where have you been Isak? Grønland in February is not fun...I'm freezing my nuts off standing out here waiting on you!” He wasn’t lying, things were starting to go numb. 

“Sorry, I got caught up with something. Actually, I can’t stay. I’ve got another...erm... appointment tonight. At 19:00” Isak looked a little sheepish. 

It was then that Jonas noticed that Isak didn’t have his kit bag with him, and that he was dressed up pretty fancy for a gym session with his best friend. He smiled, or rather grinned and looked him up and down. He had on a suit jacket which Jonas was sure he only ever seen him wear to weddings, christenings and funerals. The penny dropped. 

“Isak Valtersen, you dog!” he laughed. “Do you have a first date? About time too! Who’s the lucky lady? Someone from work? Is it that woman you introduced me to at Christmas...Astrid, Anna...something?” Jonas was delighted. 

“Her name was Alina, and NO Jonas, I’m her boss and she’s nearly the same age as my daughter!” 

Jonas just shrugged. He could feel Isak looking at him carefully out of the corner of his eye, like he wanted to check up on his mood. Something was up. Jonas threw him a bone. 

“Do you wanna get a drink first, have you got time? Beer’s on me.” 

“Who would say no to Jonas Vasquez offering to buy the first beer of the night!” Isak shoved his friend’s shoulder. 

They went into the first place they came across, just to get out of the bitter wind. 

“What is this place?” Isak asked. 

Jonas shrugged, he had never been in it before, “No idea, I think it’s a new gay bar and club? It’s meant to be really good for food.” 

Isak started laughing, almost uncontrollably, and Jonas just looked at him with a confused expression. 

“Just get the beers and I’ll explain everything.” Isak said, trying to catch his breath and wipe his eyes. 

Jonas flopped down beside his friend and sloshed his pint in front of him, whilst taking a sip of his own. He raised his eyebrows, hoping that Isak would take this as his opportunity to speak. 

“I AM going on a date tonight, but it’s not a first date. We’ve being seeing each other for a week, every night this week if I’m being honest. And we met just over a fortnight ago.” 

Jonas nodded, he wasn’t sure where this was going. 

“I’m actually taking them out for a birthday meal tonight. It’s their birthday, Well actually, more accurately, it's his birthday.”Isak looked at Jonas and kept talking. “His name is Even; I’m seeing a guy named Even and tonight is his birthday and I am taking him out for a meal.” He stopped and took a massive gulp of his beer. 

Jonas couldn’t have been more surprised, of all the scenarios going through his head while they were walking here, Isak dating a guy had not been one of them. Not that Jonas was homophobic, he just hadn’t considered it a possibility. Well, that wasn’t totally true. He had suspected that Isak had had a crush on him back in school, but when he had married Emma, he had just assumed that that’s all it was – a crush. Perhaps it had been more! But anyway – no matter - this was Isak, he loved him like a brother and he really cared that he was happy. And this Even had better make him happy. 

“What’s he like?” Jonas asked, letting Isak know that he cared by his tone of voice. 

Isak beamed, “He’s amazing. He’s a musician so he’s really creative. He is funny, and we get on so well, we can just talk for ages. He is as tall as me, pretty skinny but with this chiseled face that just...and these beautiful lips...and eyes so blue it’s like looking at the sky.” 

Jonas couldn’t help the smirk that was creeping onto his face. 

“Oh my God, Isak, you’ve got it baaaaaaad!” he sniggered. 

Isak looked offended for about a second and then broke into a huge grin, “I do, I really do.” he answered. 

“So, are you gay or bisexual or pansexual or omnisexual or some such shit?” Jonas asked, still smiling. 

“I have absolutely no idea and I couldn’t care less.” Isak was still grinning from ear to ear. “I told him the other day that I thought I was Evensexual!” 

Jonas snorted, “Right, I want all the gory details!” 

“Really?” Isak looked surprised. 

“Of course!” and he really meant it. “You’ve put up with me talking about every girl I’ve dated and every one night stand I’ve had. When Eva and I got back together you listened to me fawn over her and her gloriousness for months. I want to hear.” 

Isak took a big breath and Jonas listened with rapt attention to how they met, the night at the club and – with Even’s permission – a short version of Even’s mental health issues. 

“And so, this week?” Jonas queried. 

“We had a huge talk on Saturday night, cleared the air and... well... I asked him to kiss me and he did.” 

“And what was it like?” Jonas couldn't have been more fascinated. 

“Really amazing. Are you sure its ok to talk about this?” Isak wondered out loud. 

“Keep going, I’m dying here!” Jonas almost shouted. 

“We just sat on the couch and kissed for hours; I can’t remember the last time I made out with someone like that. It was so intimate and caring and really, really hot. He’s a very good kisser. A very good kisser.” 

“And...?” 

“And that’s it. We’ve met every day after work since then, we haven’t officially stayed over with each other yet, he needs a regular sleep routine for his health, you see. But the kissing has been amazing.” 

“Tell me you’ve done more than just kiss!” Jonas was teasing again. 

Isak blushed, “Just a little over the clothes action. If I'm honest I’m not really sure what to do so we’re just taking our time.” 

“But you ARE gonna have sex. Surely that’s the point!” 

“Well...yes. I really like him. But I don’t want it to be a disappointment or do it wrong or something.” 

“Oh my God, this is like being a teenager again. You’re like a virgin and trying to work out what to do. That’s hilarious.” 

Isak frowned, “Yeah thanks Jonas, that’s really helpful!” 

“Yeah, ok sorry” Jonas apologised, “But remember that feeling of everything being so new and so exciting. You get to have that again. And that’s pretty good. No?” 

Isak’s face crinkled into a small smile. “Yes, it is. I can’t wait to find out...erm...new things with him. If you know what I mean.” 

“Isak, I can assure you; I know exactly what you mean!” he laughed. “So tonight, is it the big night, with it being his birthday and everything?” Jonas wiggled his eyebrows, he wanted this so much for his friend. 

“It’s might not be like that, but I’d like him to stay with me all night. I’ve asked him to, so if he brings a bag, we’re on. If not, it’ll take a bit more time. And that’s ok.” Isak finished quietly. 

“Where are you meeting? Can I meet him? Just quickly? Please?” Jonas was desperate to see the man who had made such a change in his friend. 

“I suppose so.” Isak shrugged. “You promise to behave?” 

“Cross my heart.” Jonas laughed. 

Twenty minutes later Jonas watched as his best friend’s new boyfriend moved towards them. Isak wasn’t wrong. Jonas could tell that he was gorgeous, he had a way of walking that oozed confidence, and his limbs seemed to glide rather than walk. 

“Hey Isak.” Even smiled, held Isaks’s cheeks in his gloved hands and gave him a soft, steady kiss. Jonas was a little startled, not by the kiss, but by the deep baritone of his voice. It was surprisingly attractive. This guy was stunning and Jonas, straight as they come, could totally see the attraction. 

Even turned to face Jonas, 

“And you must be Jonas. Isak has told me a lot about you.” As he twisted round to face him, Jonas saw the smart leather rucksack on his back. He smiled to himself. 

“That’s me!” and he took Even’s outstretched hand in his own, shaking it with delight. “It’s really lovely to meet the man who has put the smile back on my best friend’s face!” 

Even grinned at these words. “Will you join us?” 

“No thanks, this has given me an unexpected night in with my three girls that I’m going to make the most of. Finding love later in life certainly makes me appreciate it more...” and he looked at his friend. “Well, Happy Birthday Even, enjoy your meal...and the rest of your night” he ended pointedly. 

And with that he bumped Isak’s fist and headed home. For once he knew something that Eva didn’t, and he was certain that Eva was going to LOVE this piece of news!


	16. Isak's couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wee extra scene because the boys messed up my chapters by getting together earlier than the I had planned. Tsk!

Two days ago...

He pulled back and looked at his boyfriend. He knew that word seemed strange for two men in their forties, god...he would be 48 in two days, but Isak felt like a new start. Even felt like a boy again. These few weeks, the past few days, had been some of the best of his life. Isak had taken all the weirdness and crazy that Even had to offer and he had swallowed it and given it back to him as calm and peace and security. He was certain that the potential fallout from his panic attack, an expected depressive episode, was softened by Isak's support. Even knew that he was already in love with Isak, he hadn't told him yet because it was far too soon, but he couldn't see anything changing. And he hoped beyond hope that Isak could love him too.

"Hey!" Isak whispered, "Where did you go to? You spaced out for a minute there. Is my kissing getting boring?"

Even leaned over and gently touched Isak's lips with his own.

"I never..." A peck.

"...will get tired..." An opened mouth kiss.

"...of kissing..." A slow gentle meeting of their mouths, lips opening, tongues touching and curling round each other. Hands running through hair and across chests.

"...you." A peck.

"Never!"

Isak beamed, he looked thoughtfully at Even.

"When do you think we'll do more that kissing?" He asked interested, open and sincere.

Even sat back and guided Isak to sit between his legs, Isak's back resting on Even's chest. "There is so much I want to do with you, Isak ...so, so much. But this is all new to you. Do you know what you want? I don't think we can just follow our instincts and make this up as we go along...not if it's your first time."

"But it's not your first time? You know what you're doing and it doesn't seem very romantic to choreograph it in advance." He sighed.

"No, the opposite. Talking about it shows how much we care about each other and it can be quite sexy."

"You think?" Isak didn't look convinced.

"Yes, I do." Even took his hand.

"Ok. Well then. Should I start talking first?" He was clearly enthusiastic.

"Can I just say one thing?" Even asked. Isak nodded. "We have to be safe. We haven't been tested together so we have to use a condom, even if we use our mouths, until we're tested. I couldn't bear it if I hurt you, or gave you anything."

"When were you last tested?" Isak asked, interested.

"I go to the clinic every six months."

"Oh! And have you had sex with someone since you were tested?"

"No." An honest answer.

"Then you're clean, and I've only been with Emma for the last, count them, TWENTY years - and then not very much to be honest - so are we not ok?"

"Was Emma faithful to you?"

"Yes."

"Are you certain."

"Well... I suppose not."

"So we still have to be safe." Even saw that Isak looked devastated. "Look, I have an idea. We'll go and get tested at the free clinic first thing tomorrow, together. We don't need an appointment. The result are usually within twenty four hours. Can you get time off work?

"Yeah, that's no problem." He smiled and twisted Even fingers around his own hand. "And then can we do stuff?"

"We'd better!" Even laughed. "I'm dying over here, spending all this time kissing such a sexy guy."

Isak laughed and twisted round in his arms,

"Great. Can we kiss again?"

And, as he always had done so far, Even never refused Isak a kiss.

Isak stopped suddenly and grinned. "That'll be perfect actually. I'm taking you out for your birthday on Friday night so if you want you can bring a bag and stay over here. Only if you want."

Even looked puzzled, "How did you find out it was my birthday on Friday?"

Then the penny dropped,

"Your mum!"

"My mum!"


	17. Bjørvika

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

Even was struggling to concentrate on the conversation. He was struggling to concentrate on anything if he were being honest.

The restaurant that Isak had chosen was amazing, it was on the top floor of one of the barcode buildings and the views over Oslo and the fjord were stunning. The decor was tasteful and the live piano music of a high quality but unobtrusive. The cocktails they'd had on arrival were delicious and the first course had blown Even's tastebuds immediately. The wine was smooth and his main course, full of flavour. Even his coffee was strong without being bitter or harsh.

But that was all incidental, because all Even could think about was Isak.

The man sitting opposite him was filling up every one of his senses.

To look at, Isak was beautiful, as always, but tonight there was something truly radiant about him. His hair was smoothed down into gentle waves and his clothes were sharp and attractive; Even hadn't seen him formally dressed and it made him ache to see what he would look like in a tuxedo. The low lighting and candles made his eyes sparkle like jade gemstones.

Listening to him speak was delightful, he was explaining something detailed about his work and Even could have listened to him forever. The tone of his voice was mesmerising, and to watch his emotions and character flicker over his face left Even almost breathless.

Even couldn't help it, he leaned over the crisp white tablecloth and took Isak's hand. As always, the touch was visceral. He lifted Isak's hand to his lips and kissed the blue veins on the the smooth inside of his wrist. The taste of his skin and the smell of his cologne was a heady mix.

Isak smiled at him.

"Are you ok?" He asked carefully.

Even nodded, unable to speak. Isak's brows crinkled with a little dip of concern.

"Is something wrong?"

Even shook his head, full of emotion. He swallowed thickly, trying to find his voice.

What he wanted to say was, 'I'm so in love with you that I can hardly breath. You fill up every one of my senses and it's affecting me so much that I'm about to kick that guy off the piano and burst into a cheesy John Denver song. I can't believe you've only just come into my life. I want to walk in the park with you, swinging hands. I want to spend a duvet day with you and go on a couples' weekends with you. I want to meet your kids. I want to introduce you to everyone I meet as my boyfriend. And I also want to take you out of this place and do so many things with you, things to you that you'll be first moaning then screaming my name. I want to have you in every part of my life.'

What he actually said was, "It's just such a long time since I've spent my birthday with someone that I cared about, other than mum."

Isak smiled sweetly, "Well, that's good. I mean I didn't have long to plan it but this is a lovely place and I thought that you deserved to be spoiled a little bit."

Even shook his head to try and get himself back in the room. He went with a practical question.

"And Jonas didn't mind you cancelling on him?"

"Nah, he's bailed on me for a girl hundreds of times, it was nice to get a bit of payback."

"Did he say anything about me being, well...about me not being a girl." Even wasn't sure why he felt nervous.

"Nope. He did ask if I was gay or whatever, but I told him I was Evensexual!"

"You have to stop saying that, it's not even a thing." Even rolled his eyes.

"Oh yes it is! Do you want to see what he messaged me from the tram?" Isak took out his phone and handed it over:

_ see what you mean, I think I might be 'Evensexual' too! :)_

Even read it out, "Yeah very funny! Wait, what does this bit mean?"

_ I_ _saw he brought his bag! Good luck putting everything_ _in the right place!!_

Isak's face gently coloured to a bright pink. "You know what it means." He squeaked as he tried to grab the phone back.

"Isak!" Even looked over pretend glasses at his boyfriend, "Did you talk to Jonas about our sex life?"

Isak's blush started to fade, when he saw Even was teasing.

"Because if you did, I don't mind. He's your best friend and it's important you've got someone to talk to."

"I didn't tell him about anything in detail, or that we got tested or anything. But I must admit that it was nice to be able to share how happy I am with you, kissing and stuff." Isak smiled softly and looked at Even just as sweetly. "But I see that you DID bring your bag. Does that mean that now we know that everything is ok, that we're clean, that you want to stay over?"

Even nodded enthusiastically. He very much did.

"But don't you want to order some dessert first."

Even shook his head just as enthusiastically, his mind was beyond food now.

Isak's smiled. Even loved that Isak could understand his shifting emotions. "Ok I get the picture Marcel Marceau, let's go!"

The kissing was good. They kissed in the lift, at the front door of the restaurant, at the tram stop, on the tram and at Isak's front door. They kissed in the hallway and on the stairs and eventually they were kissing on the couch.

Isak looked at him, his eyes greener than Even had seen them. "Do you want to go through to the bedroom?"

And here they were. The talking was done. The preparations were done.

"Ok. Well, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take your trousers off, and then peel off of the very sexy boxers that you bought especially for tonight."

"How'd you know...?"

"And then your're going to get laid, very throughly. That is, after all, what you wanted."

Isak nodded and smiled. "It is...very much."


	18. Isak's bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak.

The last thing that Isak remembered clearly was being in his own apartment, in his own bed, being undressed by Even. He had no idea how long ago that had been because surely, time had stopped. 

Isak thought that sex with Emma had been good, nice, fulfilling for the most part. Things had got rubbed, there had been friction and it had resulted in orgasms for them both – although Emma had sometimes finished herself off, probably out of compassion for her husband. They knew what worked for each other and had cuddled and kissed and done some other things with their mouths. 

He was now wondering if what he had been doing previously really was sex because Isak had had never had sex that was anything like this sex that he was having now. 

Even undressing him had been a thing of erotic pleasure. He had taken his time, slowly undoing, unbuckling and unzipping until Isak was panting. And every time another piece of skin had become exposed, Even had tenderly left open mouthed kisses and licks. But Isak hadn’t wanted to be passive, he had followed Even’s lead and had done the same. He found that he loved Even’s skin. It was so pale it looked almost untouched. He was entranced by the dips and hollows created by the bones and muscles of Even’s back and he found a constellation of birthmarks on his shoulders that he had spent some time getting to know. 

And then skin touching skin...how could it carry so much meaning? 

As they lay on their sides facing each other, they let their hands wander wherever they had desired. He stroked across Even’s strong chest, his slender arms and rounded buttocks. He enjoyed caressing his thighs, the taught muscles and controlled power were pleasing to feel. Even spent time caressing Isak's biceps, wrists and palms, almost worshipping the details he found there. Isak loved being looked at like this.

And then Isak discovered something new, his sense of smell. Suddenly Even’s smell hit him with full force: a robust, earthy musk that went straight to his groin. He had no choice, he had to bend down and inhale, as Even carded his fingers through Isak’s hair, delightfully messing up his curls. He was entranced by the smooth dip where the hair on Even’s thigh ended and his pubic hair had not yet begun, the skin almost translucent. He liked this little piece of Even, very much, especially as licking it drew a sound from Even that made his own stomach bubble. It was almost too much. 

“Can I...can I...erm...put my mouth on you?” Isak asked quietly. 

Even moaned, “Yes, god yes...but maybe I should... I thought first ...you know.” 

“I want to.” Isak whispered and softly kissed the shaft of Even’s erection. It filled his vision. He closed his eyes and let his other senses take over. It smelled heady and intoxicating, it tasted...how to explain it? It tasted like nothing he had ever experienced before; salty but sweet, musky but rich, the texture of silk. 

He let his mouth grow wet and slid his lips over to cover as much of Even as he could. It was a new and strange sensation but he soon got in a rhythm. He licked and sucked and kissed, trying to follow Even’s moans and instructions, as he dropped honeyed words like, “Yes, there” or “Slower, softer” or Isak’s absolute favourite, “Fuuuuck Isaaaaaaak, yes.” Suddenly the taste changed, slicker, saltier and more, much more. Isak found himself lapping, almost hungrily. 

Unexpectedly, Even pulled Isak back to head height, face to face. 

“Oh god, Isak, you have to kiss me!” he demanded. 

Isak obeyed. Even wanted to taste himself on Isak’s tongue and it was amazing to watch what it did to him. His kisses became more fervent, more passionate and less controlled. They breathed against each other, open mouthed, tongues just touching and sliding over each other. Even slid round to Isak’s neck and sucked on the delicate skin there. Isak had always assumed that ‘love bites’ were a teenage affectation, but under Even’s touch, it was a revelation. He wanted Even’s marks on his skin, he wanted the world to know that Even had caused these. 

Even had continued to work his way down Isak’s body, gently marking him as he travelled. Isak couldn't stop his hips as they started to buck, looking for Even’s touch. 

“Even, please.” 

Even moved over him. Isak had no idea what Even was doing but he could feel it, feel it all. It felt hot and wet, intense in the extreme. Lips, tongue, fingers, perhaps teeth he guessed. As he was touched with overwhelming tenderness and significant skill, the sensations began to overtake him. He felt so much, it was physical but it was emotional and he was certain...spiritual. 

Slowly he noticed that Even had stopped. Isak looked down, their eyes making contact. Both men breathing heavily, so heavily that their chests were literally rising and falling. 

“Is everything ok?” Isak breathed out. 

Even nodded. 

“Are you sure? Do you...erm...need to stop? It's ok. I understand” 

Even shook his head this time. But Isak could tell something was off. 

“Please, tell me Even. We shouldn’t have secrets, not now. Why did you stop?” He was a little aware of the whine in his voice. He was struggling to stay in control. 

Even’s voice was so small. “I feel so much, this is all so much. But I'm scared to say it, maybe it isn't right. Not for this moment. Maybe I’m too...” 

Isak scooched down until he was curled facing towards him, nose to nose. Both men naked to each other. He stroked Even’s hair and eyes, cheekbones and jaw. “I’m so in love with you, Even. I know it's probably too early and you're definitely NOT meant to say these words for the first time during sex, but I love you, so much.” 

Even smiled, a smile brighter than the sun. “That's what I wanted to say, I’ve wanted to tell you all night. Ever since I kissed you in front of Jonas. I love you so very much. I was so scared in case I was being too much.” 

Isak kissed him tenderly. 

“You are never too much. From the very first moment in the coffee shop, you have been just exactly what I have needed. You are what I have wanted for so long, what I want now, even though I didn’t know.” 

“Have I told you that I love you.” 

“Have I told you that I love you too?” 

And no more words were spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm freaking out about this now. Git a bit of 'impostor syndrome'. Hope it's still ok.


	19. UiO again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sofie and Jakob

_Sofie: Yo Bro. Whassuuuuuuuup?_

_Jakob: Sofs? Why are you speaking like that?_

_S: Just to be funny..._

_J: It's not funny._

_S: okaaaaay..thanks for bumming on my high...what’s up with you? Why did you call me when you insisted last time that you never call anyone? Not even your beloved sister. We only saw each other this afternoon._

_J: …_

_S: What? Out with it weirdo, what’s bothering you?_

_J: How much wine did you have at lunch?_

_S: I had exactly the same amount as you – one glass, so no need to be Judgy McJudgison._

_J: Sorry._

_J: …_

_S: What? What is it?_

_J: It’s about papa._

_S: What about him._

_J: Well not really papa, but Even._

_S: Jakey, you’re not bothered by papa and Even are you? I mean I know its gross to imagine them...like, doing it, eugh...but he seemed really happy at lunch. They looked sweet together. Although, did you see the bruise on papa's neck?_

_J: Thanks for THAT mental image sis!_

_S: Not many fathers would have introduced their new boyfriend to their kids so quickly, especially when those said kids never knew he was into guys. And did you hear how he kept boasting about us... ‘Sofie was the first child ever to get all 6s in her class on her third-year assignments’... ‘Jakob was the top scorer in his school football team and now he’s skiing at nearly Olympic level’._

_J: Yeah, that was a bit full on._

_S: And not many new boyfriends would have been quite so charming in the face of our double act._

_J: Also true..._

_S: But Even seemed not to notice the proud parent stuff. He just kept gazing at papa like he couldn’t look anywhere else. Poor guy was probably really nervous. I mean he’s pretty old and we can be quite an intimidating pair when we put our minds to it._

_J: Sofs... How well do you think papa really knows him?_

_S: I thought you didn’t want to think about them being ‘intimate’!_

_J: Hilarious! I don’t' mean, you know, like...sex...yuck! I mean know like his background and history and stuff._

_S: Probably not much to start with. They only met in a coffee shop – which I take all the credit for._

_J: What do you mean?_

_S: Well, that day of your competition, when we both came to watch, papa asked me for advice on how to meet new people. He didn’t want to go online, so I suggested the gym - which he said no to – so I said coffee shops. Loads of fiction has people meeting their soulmates in coffee shops. He met Even like that very weekend. So... you know, you’re welcome. I am the official master of matchmaking as it was my fantastic idea!_

_J: So, they weren’t introduced by anyone?_

_S: No, I don’t think so...why?_

_J: I don’t want to be mean or speak out of turn, but I did a bit of research on Even._

_S: Jake!...You cyberstalked him!?_

_J: Well, I tried to but he’s so old that he isn’t actually on any social media. I had to go a bit deeper. You know my roommate – Sai? Well he’s pretty nifty with minor hacking so when I couldn't find anything, I got him to do some research for me._

_S: I have a feeling this isn’t going to be good news!_

_J: It turns out Even has a lot of debt, like a LOT, mostly on credit cards. What if he’s just using papa for his money, like a con artist?_

_S: But he’s a musician? He can probably make loads of money really quickly to pay it off. And papa isn’t that rich anyway..._

_J: I read this article where the con artist made the other person believe that they loved them and then made them take out loads of credit cards and loans and stuff and then just disappeared, vanished with all the money and they couldn’t be traced. Papa doesn’t know this Even guy from Adam, maybe that’s his plan._

_S: …_

_J: …_

_S: Jakey, don’t you think that you’re being just a bit paranoid?_

_J: I could be, but then Sai found a video and that’s when I decided to call you._

_S: What video? What’s it of?_

_J: I’ll share it with you now. Its footage from a live gig that Even did last year. But it terrible. He’s an awful musician if he is really one at all. He's obviously either off his face on drugs or is some kind or total crazy, with a capital CRAZY!_

_S: …_

_J: Have you got it?_

_S: Yeah, I’m watching it now._

_J: Ok, well at the end the police and medics have to come and get him, and they actually put him in, well it’s not a straitjacket but it is kind of, to take him away. I thought those things only existed in movies. He looks like a total psycho in the video, eyes all staring and shit._

_S: Oh Jakob, that’s awful..._

_J: I know. What should we do?_

_S: I think we have to tell papa._

_J: That’s what I thought, but how?_

_S: Ask him out for lunch or coffee or something again tomorrow. We can show it to him then. Can you make sure you’ve got all the evidence?_

_J: But he’s going to be really upset._

_S: Better upset now than robbed, conned and ghosted later!_

_J: True...but perhaps we could go at it from the other direction?_

_S: What do you mean?_

_J: We could meet with Even and confront him with this. If he IS a con artist, the fact that we know should be enough to scare him off and papa won’t be too hurt before he’s too into him. If it ISN’T true, then he can just explain it to us, and we can all just move on past it. Easy!_

_S: Fine. That sounds like a good plan. It’s important now that we're older to help papa, he's not very experienced with relationships, I suppose._

_J: OK, I’ll contact him and let you know what time and place, I'll try to arrange it for tomorrow, the sooner the better, I think._

_S: Ok._

_J: Ok. Phew, this being an adult can be quite hard._

_S: I know, but I’m pleased we're being so mature about it. See you tomorrow Flakey Jakey_

_J: See you Lady Sofie of Oslo and all its Kingdoms!_


	20. Kaffebrenneriet Sagene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma.

Emma sipped at her coffee and shook her head. She wasn’t sure about this, not sure at all. 

The weeks since the divorce had been a real revelation for her. She had done more things, met more people, been more places than she had in a decade. She had joined a charity gardening group and had been helping fix up the gardens of the older or infirm who couldn’t look after their own spaces anymore. She loved it and had found a passion for the outdoors and plants that she had never even suspected. And according to Lars, she was good at it! 

Lars was younger than her, probably in his thirties, but Emma knew flirting when she saw it and was happily making the most of all the male attention. She was so ready for the next chapter in her life. And that is why she was so unsure about this coffee appointment. 

Isak had phoned her, wanting to meet up and he had sounded rather...downhearted? She had loved him for most of their time together, and still cared for him, he was the father of her children after all, but she didn’t want to get back with him, and maybe that’s what he wanted. Maybe he was missing her, had been lost without her and wanted her back. Well, she would just be strong and tell him the truth. She would tell him that she always wanted him as a friend but that was it. That being said, she had still made an effort with her appearance.

Someone tapped her on the back, and she spun round. 

“Isak! Hi.” She tried not to look startled. 

“Hi Emma.” 

“How are you? 

“Fine. You?” 

“Yes fine. Thanks.” 

“Can I get you a drink” 

“No, I’ve got coffee already. Thanks.” 

“Can I sit down?” 

“Sure, do you not want something?” 

“No, I’m not hungry...or thirsty.” 

Silence. Not the most meaningful conversation they’d ever had, but at least it was polite. 

Emma looked at him carefully. He was not looking good; in fact, he was a bit of a mess. She had never seen him looking so disheveled. His clothes were crumpled, almost like he had slept in them and there were dark circles under his eyes. His hair would have benefitted from the attention of a comb. 

“Isak...are you really ok?” She asked, suddenly concerned. What if he was sick? 

“Not really. But I didn’t know who else to speak to. I would usually speak to Jonas but I just...couldn’t.” 

“Isak, Are you ill?” 

He smiled gently, “No. No. It’s nothing like that.” 

“Well. Tell my, Is, and I’ll see if I can help.” She smiled back. 

“It’s a long story!” he sighed. 

“I’m a good listener.” she boasted. 

“Yes, yes you are.” He smiled again and paused. “I met someone.” He looked at her sideways. She nodded, she was not upset and if honest – a little relieved. 

Very slowly he said, “His name is Even,” 

Emma’s eyes hit her hairline. That she had NOT been expecting. 

“A guy? What the fuck...are you gay?” Emma was aware that she wasn’t being totally PC, but this had taken her by surprise! 

“I have no idea! I’ve thought about it...a lot... but all I know is that I fell for Even.” Isak sounded so small. 

She went silent. “Did you...when we were together...I mean.” She didn’t know how to finish her thought, but she guessed that Isak understood. 

“Emma, I loved you and chose you and am delighted by our family. I had a crush on Jonas in school, but I never even imagined this, being with a guy, when we were together. I never thought I was gay when I was with you. We weren’t always happy or otherwise I guess we would still be together, but I don’t regret anything.” She felt him look carefully at her. Emma didn’t know what to say. 

“Do the kids know?” she asked. 

“Yes, they met him last week. I thought it went well, it’s kind of why I want to speak to you.” 

Emma was silent with her own thoughts for a good few minutes. She stared blankly at the Sagene Church in the square opposite, letting her mind work through everything that Isak had just told her. Then she took a sip of tea and looked at her ex-husband. 

“Ok, Isak. I’m ready. Tell me.” 

“Thank you, Ems.” he whispered. “Myself, Even, Sofie and Jakob met for lunch last week and I thought that it went really well. Even and I had only known each other for a few weeks by then, but I felt...or, I feel so much for him that I knew it was important to be honest with them, with the kids.” He glanced at her. 

She looked at him questioningly. She couldn’t help it. Why hadn’t he told her? 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I know, I know, I was going to tell you next, I had planned to, but then...” and without warning Isak let out a huge sob like a hiccup and his eyes filled with tears. Emma was surprised, but he just kept speaking, his hands clenched tightly on the table-top. 

“...but then Even disappeared. We were meant to meet the next evening...the day after the lunch... but he didn’t show up. He hasn’t answered any of my calls or messages and his mum’s flat where he lives, well, it’s in darkness. His mum is also not answering. I haven’t spoken to him at all since then, and it’s been almost a week.” 

“Oh Is.” Emma hated to see him cry, he was usually so unemotional, or maybe he had just been that way with her, she thought uncharitably. 

“How well did you know him?” she asked honestly. 

“Really well, or so I thought. He had been brutally honest with me, he’s had some significant mental health issues, and I have been just as honest with him about my...erm...past.” 

Emma just ignored the veiled reference to herself and their marriage and carried on regardless. 

“Can I ask what mental health problems he has?” 

“He’s Bipolar.” 

“Oh, that means he has highs and lows, yeah?” 

Isak nodded. 

“Could he be depressed then maybe? Gone away with his mum to recover?” 

“He could’ve, I suppose, but it would be surprising. I have already seen him struggling, so why wouldn’t he just stay with me and let me help him?” 

“Maybe he’s embarrassed?” she suggested. 

“Maybe. But I made it clear that he didn’t have to be.” Isak looked wretched. “I told him that I loved him. He said he loves me too. It sounded like he meant it.” 

Emma stared out the window again at the church. “You haven’t really known him that long, have you...unless you were seeing him before we..?” She finished uncomfortably. 

“No. I actually met him for the first time on the day we signed the papers.” 

Emma snorted. “Ok. Do you have ANY idea where he could be? Any contacts? Any friends? Anything?” 

Isak shook his head at her, “The only person I met was his mum. He was pretty isolated due to a bad episode he had last year.” 

“Oh?” Emma questioned. 

Isak explained to her about the concert and its ramifications, about Even’s debt and his delicate health. 

“So, we have no leads at all?” 

“No, Nothing.” Emma saw Isak’s head fall. 

She stared outside again. She felt that something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. 

“I’m sorry to lay this on you, Ems. I know it’s weird. I just didn’t know what else to do.” 

“It’s ok, Is.” Emma soothed. “In a strange way I’m glad you called me. It feels right, although I have no idea why!” 

They both laughed gently and then lost themselves in their own thoughts for a time. 

“Anyway, enough about me, what about you? Take my mind off this for a while!” 

Emma smiled and told Isak about the gardening group and Lars. She described a massive garden they had been working on for a man who had been in a car accident and needed help until he was well again. He had vegetable beds as well as an orchard, so it needed lots of work. She told him how she was learning all about the plants and how to tend them. She really did love it. 

“I’m glad you’ve found something just for you.” Isak offered. 

“Yeah, and there’s a really hot younger guy who keeps flirting with me, so...you never know.” 

Isak chuckled. She liked seeing him look happier. 

“Sofie and Jakob have been teasing me that I’ll become one of these mad gardeners with a ball of twine in my pocket and twigs in my hair!” she laughed. The she looked thoughtful. “How would you feel about asking the kids? They’ve already met Even and maybe they would have some ideas about how to find him. They are much better with technology than us. There might be something online...It’s worth a try.” 

Isak looked at her but he had lost his smile. It hadn’t lasted long. 

“Yeah, I suppose it’s worth a try!” he sighed. 

“I’ll call them, and we can see what they’ve got.” 

Emma didn’t hold out much hope. It sounded like this Even guy was totally unstable and that Isak had been a little fooled by him. She thought that he was probably better off without him, but she at least had to try, to give him closure if nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all the comments. They mean a great deal.


	21. somewhere...probably not Oslo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even.

it was dark...he couldn’t tell if his eyes were closed or not...was the darkness on the outside or on the inside 

there was a crack of light...do you want anything to eat or drink, honey...no answer...I’ll just bring in some water for you...the sound of a glass on wood 

darkness again 

something like time passed 

Even honey...I’m worried about you...you need to eat something...you haven’t...the water is still there...have some of this soup for me...a cup was pressed to his lips 

he swallowed 

darkness again 

later...more later 

he could hear singing, music...it sounded like nothing

Even, honey, don't you think I could just let Isak know where we are...no?...alright...perhaps just text him that you're ok?...no...ok...some water...some food...I'll let you rest

all that talk of Isak...Isak and his voice...Isak and his heart...Isak and his love...Isak and his family, with their words and hurt and the video, the faces and looks and comments and pain

he tried everything he could to not think

tried not to imagine Isak and what he was doing now, his hair, his thin smile, his sharp pink tongue and his grey green eyes

he pulled his knees up tight and pressed his fists to the side of his head, eyes tightly shut, the words kept coming, they, voices that accused... wouldn’t stop coming 

we saw the video...you looked really out of it...are you a con man...do you want to hurt our papa...we think its best if you left...he’s been through so much...we could go to the police...you don't have anything to offer him...he’s not really gay anyway... 

it all rolled round and round in his brain

he wished for the cold distance of a true depression – what was this? why did it hurt so much? why had he done that to Isak? what was he? 

Isak...glimpses of pale skin...soft curls...elegant fingers...strong biceps...blue veins in his wrist 

he could hear birds singing outside the window, the sound of boats on the water, the distant chatter of children playing, 

the sound of a car engine...louder...on gravel 

Even honey, there’s someone here to see you 

Isak was everywhere...in his head...in his thoughts and now he could smell him, the cruelty of memory...hurt so much, just the smell of his cologne...like a Pavlovian response...he could feel Isak’s hand soothe his forehead...a gift...a prayer...a punishment? 

Even, Even, can you hear me Even? 

he opened his eyes... 

Isak.


	22. Kroksund - definitely outside Oslo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak.

“You did what?!” 

Isak realised that he was angrier than he had ever been and that he was going to struggle to control it. He could see Emma look at him and felt her hand on his elbow. 

“Why the FUCK would you do that?” He shouted. 

“Isak, please, calm down.” Emma spoke, using her own voice to try and soften Isak. It wasn't working. 

“I will not fucking calm down!” he continued to yell. “Again, tell me again!” 

Sofie swallowed and glanced at her mother. Emma nodded to her. 

“After we met Even with you at lunch, we wanted to check him out for you to make sure that he wasn’t dodgy or anything. There was nothing on social media, so Jakob got Sai to do a bit of hacking...” She finished, her voice almost disappearing, her head bent low. 

Isak’s head snapped round to his son. 

“And?” He shouted. 

“Well...” Jakob stuttered, “We found his credit card debt and a video of a concert...he was taken away by medics for being crazy...” Jakob looked at his mother, unsure whether to go on. 

“I think your papa deserves the full story.” She continued to speak calmly and steadily. 

“We arranged to meet Even, and we told him that we thought he could be a con man, dating you for your money to pay off his debts. When he never said anything, we showed him the video of his...erm...concert...and asked him, straight up, ‘Are you a crazy?’ Again, he never answered so we assumed that we had caught him out in his lie. We asked him to go away without seeing you and never come back. To leave and not hurt you anymore.” 

“Well, aren’t you two just fucking adult geniuses! Pleased with yourselves, are you?” Isak accused. “What a messed-up view of mental health...is that what I’ve taught you? What the actual fuck!” 

He was pacing now, walking back and forwards, the energy pent up tight in his muscles. He didn’t know what to do with it. He felt like he could run and never stop.

“And you showed him the video?” 

They both nodded. 

“Who do you think you are to speak to someone like that? Do you have any idea of what that could do to someone who has suffered a trauma? It took him months just to set foot in a crowded room again – and even then, he still had a panic attack. Showing him that video could have...well it could have...” 

Isak started crying, the tears running down his cheeks, dripping off his jaw, he didn’t even wipe them away. 

“What on earth must he be going through?” His voice came out so quiet in contrast to the shouting that he had given himself over to minutes ago. “What if he’s... really ill again or has hurt himself or...?” his voice cracked. “Do you have no idea about how delicate someone's mental health can be. Why would you show him that? Why would you use an awful word like ‘crazy’?” 

“We were just looking out for you.” Sofie tried. “It’s different when it’s someone you love. We didn’t think about him, only you. We were trying to keep you safe.” 

“Why would I need kept safe?” Isak asked with a sudden sharp interest. 

“Well.” Jakob continued. “We thought that you were obviously having some kind of midlife crisis by getting together with Even, no-one becomes gay after like forty years, and we thought you weren't making wise decisions.” 

"No-one...you thought...?" He could'nt finish the words. 

Isak was speechless. This was all his fault. He had spoiled these two so much, sheltered them so that they thought they knew everything when really, they knew nothing. He wanted to scream at them, rage at them, how dare they, they knew nothing about his life, what he desired, what he wanted, what he had lived through, they knew nothing about finding love, so true that it burned after so many years of love that barely flickered. They knew nothing about Even, brave and open, but delicate and yet so strong at the same time. God, he must be hurting...so much. 

He looked at Emma.

He couldn’t say anything, these words would only hurt her, and it wasn’t her fault.

He looked at Sofie. He looked at Jakob. They hadn't done it to hurt anyone, only to help. Their intentions were good, even if their actions were reprehensible. He swallowed his pain and the hateful words in his throat.

Quietly, almost silently: 

Can you help me find him, please?” 

It hadn’t been very difficult. They all went back to Jakob’s room and squeezed in as Sai tried a few different approaches. Even’s mum was the best bet and it turned out that she had a small cabin at Kroksund, registered in her name, that she paid taxes on. Isak knew immediately, that that was where they were. He called to rent a car and was ready to leave to pick it up when Emma stopped him. 

“Isak, you can’t leave the kids like this.” She pointed to the two dejected offspring, sitting on Jakob’s tiny student bed. 

Isak looked at the twins and his heart broke again for the millionth time that week. He knelt in front of them both. 

“We’re so sorry papa. We were only trying to look out for you.” 

“I know, I’m sorry for being so angry, but you have to understand, you treated Even and I very badly. Why didn’t you talk to me?” 

“We didn’t want to hurt you.” 

Isak looked at them pointedly, “And yet here we are!” 

“I’m so sorry, papa.” 

“Oh, papa, I’m sorry.” 

It ached. It hurt. He hugged them both. “We’ll probably have to talk about this a lot more when I get back but thank you for your apology and thank you for helping me. Now wish me good luck and give me a kiss.” 

Both children reached up into their father’s arms and kissed him on the cheek. He held on to them tightly for tightly a few minutes. Then let them go and quietly left. 

The sky was grey and the weather was wet and cold - of course it was. The cabin was tiny, just one bedroom he guessed, and it had not been updated much. He supposed in any other situation he would have found it charming, but right now all he could think about was whether Even was here or not. He stopped the car on the gravel driveway and took a deep breath, it hadn’t been a long drive, but he was totally exhausted. He had been on full worry alert for days now and his internal resources were at rock bottom. As he stepped out of the car and headed to the door, he wasn't even sure that his legs would carry him. 

Sylvi answered the door and smiled. It was Even’s smile and it broke Isak’s heart and mended it all at the same time. 

“Well done, you clever, clever man.” she said, hugging him tight. “Come in. Can I get you anything?” 

“No. No thank you. May I see Even?” He slipped off his shoes. 

She nodded, “I knew you were the right choice.” 

The bedroom was dark, and it smelled. Isak looked at his boyfriend, folded into his bed, hidden and hiding. He walked over to him and tenderly touched his brow, trying to stroke the tension from his forehead, desperate to heal him with touch alone. 

“Even, Even? Can you hear me? Even?” Isak whispered...a prayer. 

Even opened his eyes. 

“Hi, Even.” Isak took off his jacket and trousers and slipped under the covers behind the curled form in the bed. He held him, one arm slipping round his waist, the other under his head. 

“Nice try at hiding. But I’m the master of finding lost things.” Isak kissed the back of Even’s head. “I’m here now.” Even sighed shakily and let Isak pull him in tight. “And I’m not going anywhere.”


	23. The cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even then Isak then Even.

Even. 

Even was being held. Tightly. He could smell Isak, close, so close. His nose on the back of his neck, dropping little kisses. He sighed, pushed back into him and let himself fall asleep.

After some time he woke up and needed more, so he twisted round and hid himself against Isak's chest. 

"I'm sorry." he whispered into Isak's neck with a shudder, but Isak must have been asleep and didn't hear him. He drifted off again. 

  


Isak. 

Isak had arrived at the cabin with no real plan. He just knew that he had to be wherever Even was. When he saw Even lost in the darkness and blankets of that rather pungent bed he had acted on instinct and climbed in beside him. Not touching him was not an option. For the first few hours they had simply slept, wrapped up in each other's arms. It was clear that both men were exhausted and needed rest first before anything else could be tackled. Halfway through, Even had rotated until his face was in Isak’s neck and he was folded into Isak’s core. Isak had heard Even whisper something, but he couldn't make it out and he didn't want to waken him further. 

When they both woke up, Sylvi was already gone, leaving only a note saying to contact her when she was needed again. After they had allowed their bodies to rest and Isak had made Even drink some water, he had gotten up and prepared some food for them both: the soup Even’s mum had left, and some rolls heated up from the freezer. They had eaten in silence at the small table, although Even had done all this with his left hand, as he refused to let go of Isak’s with his right... even for a minute. 

And then they had gone back to bed, wrapped themselves in Even’s whiffy bedclothes and talked. 

Even’s confidence had been shattered by the events of the previous week and Isak had had to tread very carefully to build him back up again, bit by bit. Their conversations were interspersed by necessary silences, short walks in the fresh air and lots and lots of quiet cuddles. 

Isak spent many hours telling and showing Even that right beside him was exactly where he wanted to be. 

Eventually Even had been strong enough to tell Isak the story of his meeting with Sofie and Jakob from his point of view and Isak had struggled to listen. The accusatory words of his children brought him shame, their lack of compassion and lazy, offensive language was repellent to hear. He took full responsibility for it and he told Even just that. 

Even wouldn’t accept it: kind, forgiving Even. 

“Isak, your kids are adults and their mistakes are their own.” 

Isak shook his head. He knew that he should have done better, the responsibility was his. 

But Even just said, “At any other time, I could have answered their concerns and perhaps even have helped them to understand my condition a bit more. But it was so raw, and truth be told, a little blinded by falling in love with you, that I had nothing to draw on. Nothing to say. And then when I saw the video...I had never watched it although I knew it was out there somewhere...I couldn't see how I could be in your life if this is what they thought of me, so I did as they asked... and left.” 

Isak nodded, and answered “But, Even, you decided for ME, and you don’t get to do that.” 

Even blinked at Isak, slow and thoughtful, like an owl. 

“You gave me no way to be involved. Running like that, it wasn’t noble or brave Even, it was cowardly behaviour. And you’re not a coward.” 

Even nodded. “I think I had been waiting for it to fall apart, for us to fall apart, from the moment you asked me to kiss you. I suppose this, in a way, simply fulfilled my expectations.” 

Silence. 

Even whispered, “You’re right, I was a coward.” 

“That’s not what I said. I said you’re NOT a coward, but your behaviour was.” He kissed Even’s cheek and stroked his eyebrow. “You forgot about your own bravery and you believed other people’s version of you. You believed what Jakob and Sofie said.” 

“And what about them?” Even asked, looking pained again. 

“I think that they understand what they did was wrong, but I’m still concerned about why they thought it was necessary. I think I’ve got a lot of work to do with them to rebuild our relationship.” 

“I can’t get in the way of you and your kids, Isak.” Even continued to look despondent. 

“You won’t. I’m not really sure what their motivation was, beyond thinking that they knew best – which clearly, they didn’t. But I think it’s my responsibility to help them understand, both the situation we are in and also the person that is ‘me’... The Isak that is not their dad, but a human being, who needs more. Who needs you!” And he kissed Even with purpose. With determination. A kiss that wasn’t going to end any time soon. 

  
Even. 

The relief of their reunion following the pain of their separation, moved their relationship to the next level. The last of their time together at the cabin had been the most intimate that Even had ever shared with anyone. Emotionally, Even was almost overwhelmed. And physically, physically...this was a revelation. 

At first Isak’s touch had been tender and reverent. He was still touching Even as if he were broken. But Even was able to show him that although he was still somewhat fragile, he was now only bruised, and ready for more. Soon they had both begun to lose any inhibitions and their newfound passion had taken them somewhere totally new. 

Even looked at the man above him, he couldn’t get close enough. He desperately wanted to fold himself under the surface of Isak’s skin and live there. 

He looked Isak straight in the eye:

"Fuck me, Isak." He whispered, breathily and needy.

And Isak complied. As he touched him he never stopped asking... is this ok?... are you sure?... here? Even felt himself being watched as he melted under Isak's ministrations, becoming pliant, yielding his flesh to him – Isak's mouth, lips, tongue and fingers. Even was gone. His own whispers became moans and soft obscenities, breathed into Isak' mouth.

As Isak had entered Even's body in the most intimate way possible, joining them together, they reached new heights. Watching Isak's climax, feeling him give Even his all, as he reached his own peak, he knew that this was a place he had never known before and would cherish for ever. 

He opened his eyes and looked at the man lying ‘next’ to him – well mostly under him. He had saved him, taken his fear and loneliness and turned it into...into togetherness. It was time to contact his mum and time to face all that was waiting for him in Oslo.


	24. Steinsfjorden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvi.

Sylvi sat on the sheltered side of the veranda and gazed at the fjord. The wind was whipping over the top of the water, causing the waves to foam. The mug of coffee in her gloved hands had been steaming hot five minutes ago but was already tepid. The sky was open and blue, but as a result...freezing. Although she was fully wrapped up and had her outdoor clothes on, she wasn’t going to last much longer sitting out here. 

Isak had been at the cabin for four days already. Sylvi had stayed the first night, just to make sure that he was what she had hoped him to be. When he met her high expectations...and then surpassed them...she headed back to Oslo and waited for Even’s message asking her to return. She had received that message this morning. 

Things were very different from what they had been a week ago. She shivered but not from the cold. 

Even’s phone call from the coffee shop had left her almost as distressed as she had been the night of his breakdown. He had struggled to get any words out, his voice broken. She could hear the tears in his eyes and the pain in his heart. Eventually he had managed to whisper where he was, and she had gone to get him. He had refused to tell her any more, anything about what had happened. He insisted that they left for the cabin immediately without telling anyone where they were going. All she had managed to get from him was that it hadn't been Isak he had been meeting with, but nothing else. He refused to tell her who he had been with or what had happened. 

It was one of the most difficult things she had ever had to do, watch her child so broken but unable to help. Her mother's heart was crushed under the weight of her grief. She desperately tried every trick in her arsenal but none of it had worked: not her homemade chicken broth, not her Joni Mitchell soundtrack and certainly not her ‘just ignore it and see if it goes away’. She refused to disrespect Even and go against his wishes, but she was desperate to call Isak. However, he refused her every request – to let him know where they were, or even that he was ok.

But Isak, that glorious man, had worked it out all by himself. The joy she had felt when she saw his car pull up was deep and real. If anyone could help now it would be him. 

She heard the outside door open and she glanced up to see the two men moving towards her. Even had showered and gotten dressed into fresh clothes – a pair of soft grey sweat-pants, a huge oversized cream knitted rollneck and his winter boots. His soft grey hat and scarf almost covering him completely. Although still looking pale, he at least was smiling. Isak was holding his hand tightly and looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. 

Isak wasn’t wrong. 

"Erm, mum, can we talk to you?"

She smiled, "Always honey, but let's go inside. I'm bloody freezing."

"I'm sorry I have been so much work...again." Sylvi frowned but Even cut her off before she protested, "Let me speak... please?"

She nodded silently.

Isak looked at Even and he smiled encouragingly.

"That day...in the coffee shop that I made you bring me here...I was meeting with someone. Two someones. It was Isak's children. They said some things, accused me of some things that I'm not ready to tell you yet, but, well...we still need to sort it out." He breathed out...Sylvi could see that he was clearly exhausted.

Isak spoke, looking somewhat uncomfortable, "We need to head back to Oslo now. Try to fix this mess. But Even and I will do it all together. I promise."

“It’ll take a few days mum, but I’ll call you and...” Even began. 

“...and you’ll tell me everything!” she looked at him and raised her eyebrows. 

“...and tell you most of it.” he quietly finished. 

She stood up and kissed them both on the lips. "I trust you, Isak. You found Even when he was lost and I can never thank you enough. But he is my son and, well, I know some people...so just...do it right!" She laughed, and so did Isak but she could see by the look in his eyes that he wasn't one hundred percent certain that she was joking. She planned to keep it that way. 

“Look after each other. I think I’ll stay here for a few more days, do some reading.” 

Even snorted, “You mean, go to the village and play in the illegal poker game and try to hustle them for as much cash as you can. They know you, mum, remember.” 

“Oh, there’s always some new person that thinks I’m just a stupid, wealthy old woman.” She shrugged, “and they deserve everything that they get, or rather lose!” 

She watched them put their bags in the car and heard Isak whisper to Even, "Your mum is kind of badass, no?" As they headed off down the drive, Even waved once and then turned away. She looked out across the fjord and sent a prayer to the water thanking it for Isak and all that he was, and a request to the blue sky to keep them safe and in each other’s arms. 

Now, where was her lucky hip flask?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I aspire to be like this...


	25. The City of Oslo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak.

Isak sat with the early summer sun shining on his face. He closed his eyes and let its soft heat warm his skin. It carried nowhere near the fierceness that it would in a few months' time, but it was still very pleasant after the long winter. He let his eyes flicker open and slowly surveyed his surroundings, this was one of his favourite spots in all of Oslo. As he looked around himself in a full 360, he could see the strange, leaning shape of the new Munch Museum: the ubiquitous, strong, white slopes of the Opera House: and the colourful crowds of locals and visitors around central station. He turned to face the waters of the Oslofjord. The sun was sparkling gloriously over the calm water, glittering on each little wave, reaching out to the blurry islands resting green and verdant in the near distance. 

As he gazed, he turned and saw Even in the distance, walking towards him. His boyfriend was hatless on this warmer day, and his hair was shining in the light, longer than he’d worn it before – on its way to a decidedly age inappropriate man-bun. He had something strapped diagonally across his chest and back. He walked with his hands in his pockets which caused him to swagger in a way the was purely Even, and embarrassingly went straight to Isak’s groin. He adjusted himself and flushed a little as Even reached his side. 

Even slid next to Isak on the marble bench and kissed him tenderly, only a greeting, but still a declaration. An announcement – I am here just for you and I chose you. 

“I’m not sure why your face had suddenly flushed but I certainly hope that it has something to do with me.” Even mumbled deep and low in his ear. 

Isak’s blush intensified as he whispered back, “It always has everything to do with you! Four months later and I still feel like a first timer.” 

“My little virgin.” Even whispered, both teasing and seductive. 

‘How does he do that?’ Isak thought, the problem between his legs only becoming worse. 

Isak supposed that there had been a time in his life when he hadn’t known Even, hadn’t been able to kiss Even or spend time in his presence. He knew in reality that it was only a few months ago but he struggled to remember that now. 

“Hey,” Isak smiled. 

“Hey, you.” 

Even returned the smile and added an extra gleam. Isak loved it when Even shone, when his true nature allowed itself to show and he lit up the space around him. 

“Where do you want to go?” 

“Well, it’s a short walk to Sørenga, it should be nice to sit there today, although it will probably be busy. Or we could go a little farther, up to Ekebergparken. It’ll be quieter there.” 

“Yeah, let’s do that.” 

As they walked, they didn’t hold hands as such, but there wasn’t a moment when they weren’t touching: shoulders bumping together, hips brushing each other, and fingers tangled and weaving like little silver fish twirling round each other in a stream. And more often than not, one or the other would lean over and stroke a cheek or tuck a stray curl behind an ear. 

"Jonas asked if we can babysit the girls tomorrow evening..." Isak mentioned.

He saw Even smile and nod and loved the thought of sharing that time with him.

The two men found a sunny spot in a clearing, Isak pulled out a picnic blanket and his book and sat down, Even close beside him. Even unstrapped the case from his back and snapped it open. Inside was a small guitar. 

“What’s that?” Isak asked, he had never seen it before. It was a strange shape, looking more elongated than round. 

“It’s called a Traveler Guitar. I used it...I use it, when I don't want to lug my full-size instrument around with me.” He gave it a strum, made a face and spent a few minutes tuning it. Isak watched, enthralled as he always was when Even did anything remotely musical. 

The last few months had been - thankfully - less dramatic than their first few weeks together. Steadily, Isak had rebuilt his relationship with his children, and in turn, Sofie and Jakob and Even had had begun to spend time together and get to know each other better. Even had met Emma a few times now, and although it wasn’t the most comfortable of experiences for Isak, he was proud of all of them for being mature enough to find a way to be in each other’s lives. 

They settled into an easy afternoon. Isak lay on his stomach, reading and making notes in the margins of his book whilst Even messed around with tunes and chords, obviously experimenting and trying out some ideas. After some time had passed, Isak noticed that the sounds Even were making were more structured, more flowing...it was a tune. 

He lifted his head from his book and watched his boyfriend. Even started to hum along, a low and flowing melody that weaved its way around the delicate broken chords that he was playing. Even noticed Isak’s attention on him but kept playing and humming. It went on for some time and Isak could feel himself getting carried away by the beauty of the piece. As it drew to a gentle close, Even smiled down at him. 

“That was beautiful, Even. It was your own composition, yeah?” 

Even nodded. 

“Does it have a name?” 

He nodded again, swallowed heavily and said, “’Isak’. It’s called ‘Isak’. It’s your song. I don’t do lyrics, but I imagine the melody played on a low jazz clarinet or a bass flute or something.” 

Isak didn’t know what to say. 

“It’s a gift for you. A gift to say thank you for saving me and not letting me be alone.” He smiled. 

“But you saved me first, you saved me from MY loneliness.” He sat up and they softly met in the middle. They kissed, long and slow and deep, Isak had no idea for how long. They separated, foreheads touching, looked into each other's eyes, green on blue, blue on green, and whispered their love. 

“I actually have a gift for you too.” Isak pulled back and breathed in to steady himself. He bent over to rummage in his bag. He handed Even a small wrapped packet. Even took it and gave Isak a little kiss, well, just because, and opened it. He pulled out a short chain with a colourful disc on the end of it. He looked questioningly at Isak. 

“It’s the motto of the city of Oslo.” He smiled. “‘Unanimiter et constanter’ which means ‘United and Constant’” 

Even still looked a little confused. 

“That’s us. We are now united you see.” 

Even smiled, a sight to make Isak smile in return. “Is it a pendant?” 

Isak giggled and dipped back into his bag. “No, it’s for this,” and he handed Even a key. 

Even took it gently between his fingers, “Is this the key to your heart?” he teased. 

“You already have that! No, it’s more practical than that. It’s the key to my flat. I want you to come and live with me.” 

“You do?” Even smiled and looked only a little surprised. 

“Yes, more than anything.” Isak touched his cheek. “I know we’ve not been together for very long, but I want to spend as much time with you as I can and you need a steady routine, so it makes perfect sense.” 

“So, it’s merely a practical suggestion.” 

“I hope not! Come and live with me? Come and be my constant?” 

"And you’re ready for all my baggage?” 

“If you’re ready for mine?” 

As the sun set over the city of Oslo and over Isak and Even, Isak knew who he was and what he wanted. He was a father and a friend, a son and a partner; he was a man who was loved by and in return loved Even, and that was the man that he wanted to be...forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's my little story over. I am very grateful to everyone who took the time to give kudos or comment - it's quite addictive isn't it!  
I'm very much a learner, so any advice gratefully received. I'm on Tumblr at vmcgmidlifecrisis where I'd love to chat more about anything.


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